A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i'm really not sure what to do. i just went off to college this past year and i broke up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years for a boy i met there. we only dated for 3 months before breaking up because, despite being a sweetheart, was a bit too controlling and overbearing for my tastes and i had feelings for my high school ex. after about a month, college ex and i started talking again, right as my high school ex and i started to seriously start thinking about getting back together. long story short, i ended up not getting back together with my high school ex and fooling around with my college ex.now it's summer. and at first i thought now was the time to get back together with my high school, but he screwed up in a major way. so i continued fooling around with my college ex, who is, by this time, my best friend, and we spent all our time together. about 2 weeks ago, i told him i loved him. but also added that i wasn't ready for a relationship.and then. i decided to try to get back together with my high school ex, because my college ex once again became too controlling and jealous (even getting mad when i would go out with girlfriends). and consequently. college ex and i have ended our friendship and he wants nothing to do with me (no contact at all).my questions are: is this the right thing?and.should i invest time in someone who isn't completely able to satisfy my needs, but feels like "the one", or try to fix a relationship, and potentially get back together with, someone who doted on me and completely satisfied me, but didn't feel quite right?i'll be happy to clarify anything that isn't clear. thank you for your time!
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female
reader, johannabanana +, writes (18 July 2010):
 I once went out with someone who was controlling as well so I know what you mean. Even after we broke up he practically yelled at me and told me all I did wrong... A lot of it was normal things. I was still best friends with my ex which always made him Jealous becasause he thought I would rather talk to my ex than him... The truth was I did still care about my ex and him always being so radical about everything was just a turnoff. He even complained about me hugging my guy friends. I wasn't being innapropriate or anything I hug all my friends the same way it's quick and friendly nothing sensual about it. It was like he didn't even want be to be friends with other guys, because he brought up how one of my friends only had girls as friends and talked to her boyfriend. He also even told me I flirt with people... But I do that unintentionally. MY being nice I guess looks like something else that I don't mean it to. So my point is I couldn't handle his crazy behavior because I didn't need to be with someone that was constantly freaking out. What I need is a guy that is tolerable and understand my personality enough that he can simply trust me without getting Jealous. It's time to kick both these Ex's to the curb. There was a reason you broke up with both of them the first time, and those reasons from what I've heard have not changed.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioncollege ex told me he loved me while we were dating and it freaked me out and kind of reinforced the break up. and then later when we were just friends with benefits he told me he loved me. and he had always talked about marrying me... which... for 3 months of dating and 6 months of knowing him was a little strange. but i did tell him if we could stay close for a few years, it wasn't anything i wouldn't consider. i felt very safe and very good around him, but he was very stingy with who he wanted me to see, even when we were just friends, and would get mad if i wouldn't hang out with him over seeing some of my other friends.
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A
female
reader, johannabanana +, writes (18 July 2010):
All righty... So this is one of those times you need to write a list of pros/ cons. Usually if you can be bestfriends with someone then you have alot of chemistry together.... Also did he tell you he loved you back... Second it sounds like High school Ex isn't the guy for you. If a guy cares about you there is no "screwing up in a big way." Evaluate your needs first. If College ex is so controlling image what it would be like to marry that one day... He cares about you to much... a girl needs her freedom... If he can't loosen up a big then mabey he isn't right for you. And that problem could lead to alot of arguing. If you think he is the one you wouldn't be looking at other guys. He may act that way because you don't just look at guys and you might flirt with other guys unconsciously. (which we all do) Ask yourself if mabey you just need to date around and have fun... Stress free dating, meeting new people etc. Remember sometimes summer is a time to try new things.
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