A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I need some advice. My bf and I have trust issues, and his best friend is havi.g a bday bash. Loud music, booze, friends and girls. We planned to go together but the baby sitter got sick and I cant find anyone on such short notice... I do not really know what to do or how to deal with it. Needless to say I dont trust him. Hes been fairly "good"- working on our trust issues hasnt done too much to betray me in the past few months except lying to me several times about porn. But hes stopped with the dating sites and has not talked to anyone sexually or hidden any numbers under mens names. Ive learned I dont have to settle for this. He makes up for what he lacks in many ways, but hasnt been nor has he made the effort to fill a lot of my needs, where as he knows I would do just about anything for him and that he can trust me. But he has made effort to be more faithful, which I dont consider a need but more of a necessity. I love him with all my heart but this year is basically a last chance. The last time, when he lied to me I wasnt hurt, sad, or disappointed ... because Ive been hurt so much that Im starting to just not care, since it seems he doesnt care about me with all the lies, cheating and heart ache. He also insists hes never cheated, bit I think talking sexually to other women os cheating, hes said so himself, but threatens to break up with me if I ever say that. Anyways thats probably more backround than you need and I know I have flaws as well. Back to the party, so now hes going with out me and again its not something Im comfortable with. I obviously cant tell him he cant go and he would go anyway regardless of what I said. I dont have problems with his friends. How do I get over this worry? Am I completely over thinking this? Or is our relationship just a ticking time bomb to failure?
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (20 January 2013):
IF this were just about one party then yes, you’d be over-thinking things and being unreasonable. But this party’s not the issue, the issue is the fact that the trust issues seem not to be resolved so far as I can see. So, what’s he still not doing that you’d like? You don’t seem to think he actually cares that much about you: perhaps he doesn’t, but perhaps your demands on him are too much and he doesn’t know how to tell you so he just doesn’t meet them all. Then you end up in this vicious cycle where he thinks he can’t do anymore and you think he’s not doing enough. Let him go to the party however hard it is, because you won’t be able to talk about your trust issues meaningfully and find compromises and common ground until you can start showing in your actions that you trust him. To be totally honest this relationship doesn’t sound like it’s resting on very stable foundations but you’ve got to get over your lack of trust if it’s going to have any chance at all.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (19 January 2013):
 This party is irrelevant, your relationship is already over. You're letting this guy bulldoze over you and treat you like complete crap. He has cyber sex with other women, lies about it, talks sexually with women he knows and goes to great lengths to hide it, when you try to talk about it he threatens to break up with you, this guy does not respect or care about you at all. I don't see a way this relationship can possibly survive, sorry.
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