A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I met a new guy and he says he is falling for me - I am uncomfy with that. I have just started dating again after taking almost three years off after a BAD relationship. The new guy tells me how he is falling for me and that he can see us together for a long time.Thing is - he is not tall he is a gym rat and he is an ex-marine. I dont know if I am just not into him or if I am afraid still. He reminds me of my exhusband. Ewwww.But he kisses nice. and seems very polite ( holding doors for me and buying flowers) i havent even known him a week and I feel claustrophobic from the attention.Do you think I should just tell him to cool it and walk away? Or should I give it more time because I need to work thru my fears?Help please
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (8 April 2012):
 Some alarm bells went off for me in that he started saying he was "Falling for you". When guys get emotional too fast, it is often a ploy to get someone into bed that much sooner. Let's face it, you are both getting to know one another... why rush it?
While on the surface he seems like a nice guy, there is something inside of you that is worrying. Part of it could be something below the surface that is bothering you, or it could be that you are still emotionally scared from your previous relationship.
This man could definitely be a keeper but you'll never know unless you give it some more time. Eventually the "real" him is going to makes its appearance.
I wouldn't throw this relationship out until you are certain -- one way or another -- that he isn't worthwhile.
I would urge you however, to take things SLOW and keep an open mind and don't let your fears of another "bad" relationship scare you into sabotaging something good. If you enjoy his company and can see yourself as an "item" sometime in the future, I see no sense in cutting your ties with him now.
Hopefully you take stock of what you want out of a relationship and if he measures up, continue to see him, if not... you'll know it'll be time to move on all on your own.
Best wishes.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (8 April 2012):
 One week only and he is planning a future together while you feel claustrophobic.
Its all too much too soon. Listen to your gut. Consider how many ways he reminds you of your ex husband, is it just physical or is it attitudes as well.
I would back right off. If he asks why just tell him you prefer to take things slowly and get to know each other before you commit to boyfriend/girlfriend status.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2012): You should tell him you're not ready for this relationship. Because that's the truth. The last thing you need is reminders of your ex.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 April 2012):
 He hasn't known you for a week, but he says that he's falling for you? You're right. You should be nervous. There would be something off-putting about smothering affection and the "falling for you" talk all in the first week of knowing each other.
You should slow things WAY down, if you're still into him. If you're feeling already like it's not going to work, then say so. I can tell you that something sounds off to me, like this is a contrived thing for him. At best, he's simply desperate, and a good slow-down will help him out. At worst, he's got some sort of motive that has nothing to do with falling for you.
Either way, slow that guy down...WAY down. A relationship is a marathon, not a sprint. If he's all kissy with you and pouring on the sweet talk, my first impression is that he's wanting in your pants. My second impression is that he burns way too fast -- meaning he runs really hot, cold, and erratic.
Either way, be careful. Your instincts are absolutely right. You can trust yourself!
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