A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been single for a while - I am a young professional 31 years old that has tried to find a man for a long time - I've had two relationships one very long term and the other short term- both men were not good guys at all- I've tried the online stuff and I've tried partying I've tried really anything and everything . It's sadly not that I can't find a guy because men have told me I'm "hot" or I'm attractive but I'm lost at finding a manThat is nice and attentive and respectful. I've tried everything and my sister and family tells me that maybe I should let it be- I have a lot of my friends and coworkers urging me to go online- deep down I know that I have tried it and it didn't work once and I would just keep reappearing the cycle . I don't have anyone at work and I have tried the bar/ lounge/ club scene as well as volunteering - what is a girl to do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2016): I would try dancing. I do modern jive, but there is salsa, west coast swing, east coast swing, all sorts. The men there are usually friendly, fun people, who don't drink much or at all, or it certainly isn't a priority in their lives. They get exercise, quite often dress well and the whole dance scene opens you up to hundreds of people. Making friends with some of the women there is something that happens naturally and you never know who they know. Best of all it's such a fun way to spend the evening, you can go alone, a lot of people there do and you also get exercise. Give it a go!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 October 2016):
 The bar/ lounge/ club scene is for people in their late teens/20's - so I'd skip that.
I think Online can work, BUT you got to be VERY selective and you have to accept that 9 out of 10 guys are NOT what you want.
Know your standard and don't settle for less and TAKE your time getting to know a guy.
Let's say you get 10 replies to your profile on a dating website (don't use "dating" apps like Tindr) CHECK out their profiles, check out their pictures (you know how to reverse google a picture right? if not, google that!) See if you can find them online like on Facebook or other sites. That way you can get ahead a little, one guy might claim to be single and looking for a serious relationship on a dating site, he might sound delicious, but.. he is actually married and looking for flings. If he is using his own picture it might not be too hard to find his Facebook, if he has one.
If another guy is really pushy to meet up, don't take it as total flattery and meet up. If he is in such a hurry, he isn't looking for anything serious or he is looking to charm you in person so that you will overlook the "real" him.
Some talk to multiple people, some to only one at a time. You have to decide what works for you. If you haven’t met someone you really connect with, keep dating. Date away.Don't give up. However, if you are lucky enough to find that special unicorn, don’t be afraid to make a choice. Focusing on one person is a risk, but one that has the potential for big payoff.
I would also suggest you get a "burner phone" for the initial dating and chats, NOT your personal or company cell phone.
Don't jump into bed unless you WANT to date that ONE guy and that HE wants to date you.
So yes, BE picky. I know those tips might make it sound like online dating is complicated, and it can be. You have to wade through so many insincere people to find the good ones.
When you take pictures of yourself for your profile find some that are NEW and attractive, but hold back on the "sex appeal" for the profile pictures. While a woman who shows cleavage and sexier pictures might get more "hits" she will also get more "looking for "casual hook up" hits.
Zoosk and Match are some of the better sites apparently, going by consumer ratings.
Dating shouldn't be a chore, it should be fun.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (11 October 2016):
 Perhaps the problem is in you. I don't know - it is hard to say. I'm just looking outside the box. You seem to have explored all external options. Maybe now is the time to look at your inner workings. Perhaps it is self-confidence, or maybe you have told yourself a story and your inner self has started to believe it.
I have never tried hypnotherapy but some people swear by it. How about that for a new option?
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A
female
reader, UniquelyMe +, writes (11 October 2016):
 I mean you have sort of answered your own question there hun. If it didnt work the first time. Its just going to be the same again. Plus with online dating. Not always but sometimes you dont know who your talking to. I say focus on yourself and your career. And just let what happens happen. Dont try so hard to meet someone. Let them find you hun.
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