A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a married man, 2 kids and have over the last year not had sex with my wife.Instead I have joined a dating agency, gay sex site really and had numerous encounters, which I have fully enjoyed,Truth be told I feel more comfortable with male encounters than femaleI suppose over the years I have always had an interest in men but untill recently not done anything about it, my question is where do I go from here, I feel really bad about my deceitful behaviour
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2016): It seems to me you are bisexual. And your sexual preference in men has now surpassed your preference in women. I understand your need and desire for sex. To live in a sexless marriage is truly painful and sad. You lose a vital part of yourself.But, cheating is not the answer. It is a temporary solution. What I call a band aid solution. In the long run, cheating destroys relationships. Even if your wife was to forgive you, your relationship would never be the same. Eventually, the trust issues would end it.Carrying on this way is only going to be self destructive. It is a heavy burden and weight to carry. Leading a double life. Feeling guilt and shame. It eats away at you. If you are a man with a conscience, you know it's wrong but shove that aside to carry on. I am certain you are very good at compartmentalizing. But even the strongest, most stable mind will break eventually. You are human, after all. And if there is any love left in your heart for your wife, you will not want to hurt her and for her to feel pain. You could not bear to continue knowing you are breaking her heart over and over. It will destroy your wife or any hope you have of saving your marriage. If you love your wife, you have to stop this behaviour now and be honest with her. Respect her enough to tell her the truth. Yes, clearly it will hurt her. It will hurt her badly. And this is the reason you have been keeping your extra curricular life a secret, but I truly believe it is always best to hurt someone with the truth than to soothe them with lies. It WILL be worse if she ever finds out on her own. And she will. It's only a matter of time. Everybody slips up.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2016): You are who you are. You cannot carry on like this. If your wife finds out without you telling her first it will be devastating. You have a chance to be 'honest' right now and do what is right. If you don't want to tell her you are gay or bi sexual then just tell her you want to live alone to explore your sexuality and to let her move on.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 October 2016):
 Talk to your wife and tell her the truth, she deserves that much, so does your children. This does not just effect you, but your whole family. Stop living a lie.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 October 2016):
 You are cheating on your wife. You are lying to her as well.
You either leave her and pursue men or you talk to her about having an open marriage where you can see whoever you want.
Either way you have to bite the bullet and fess up to her.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (11 October 2016):
 Dear Poster
I am not going to bash you for your actions however you are continuing in your cheating but say you feel bad about your behaviour?? You have chosen to cheat - that is your own choice and you need to own it.
I suggest that you make a clean break of it - divorce your wife - let her move on with her life. You then can pursue your chosen lifestyle.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2016): Tell your wife what is happening and let her decide whether she wants to stay or leave.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (11 October 2016):
 You leave her and explore your interest in men. Your behaviour isn't just deceitful; it's cheating.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (11 October 2016):
 So you should feel bad for your deceitful behaviour. Cheating with a woman is nasty but cheating on your wife with another man is a whole other emotional ride. Come clean, she deserves that much. At the end of the day it is not your place to make decisions that she is able to make for herself, being if she decides to stay and put up with it or leave. Live and let live I say but to cheat on your spouse thats just fucked up.
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