A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:13 years between two of us. I'm older.we have a boy.we don't live in the same country. we dated for a year and then I got back to my place.baby wasn't planned but now we are happy to have him.since then, we've been together couple times. for 2-3 months each time. he introduced me to his family, they love me. they are crazy about baby and they support us.he also visited me couple of times, he was there when I had a baby. we considered that we are "together". he calls me "his fiance". I'm present in every aspect of his life, even on photos in cell phone.but we didn't have plans. none of us couldn't leave the life that we had. jobs etc. plus he is the only child. situation couldn't last for long.so it happened. he was alone, being young, far, no promises from me and he, actually, wants family, life, partner, marriage. he found a girl his age and been with her for some time. i didn't know that, of course. how could i being so far? They dated for like 3 months.some time ago he started to make a big effort to come to my country, to move, to try a life with us. as he made a decision that our situation shouldn't last any longer. i actually wanted the same but he started "pushing" things first.couple of days ago he told me about affair, explaining that he was way too alone, he also couldn't resist to "try" someone younger, to realize what he wants and he wants me. he wants me, and, by his words, especially after what has happened he doesn't want anybody else. I'm the woman for him etc... he took all the risk telling me about the girl. asking for my understanding. but, he also said that he couldn't try to live with me without telling me what has happened 'cause he wants me to know everything about him. no secrets, total honesty.and i do understand. he also probably wanted to taste young life once again - with me he actually jumped in a "grown up" life with many problems very quickly even he doesn't want to escape from his baby, me and responsibility.but my heart is broken. I love him.and it would be easy to break up but here's a child. and his huge feeling of being sorry. and growing desire to move here as soon as possible. before i found out about another woman, who is past in his life now, I made decision to try to live with him, no matter of all differences between us. and all the burden that comes with these differences. I’d probably carry most of it. I’m very much aware of his age, but we, actually, didn't spend enough time to see if we are good for each other. we love(d?) each other and we both want to be parents to our boy.I'm trying to see if my pride and integrity are more important than to give another try to a young guy who I miss and love, my boy's dad, who was brave to admit what he has done, ask for forgiveness and chance to start a life with me. i also feel like i owe my boy at least to try.i act like i forgave. but deep down inside I’m unhappy and insecure. i am older and more mature, I see things the way they are, but yet, just a woman who feels cheated on.should i try to live with him no matter what has happened?
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affair, fiance, insecure Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your answers. I appreciate each one of them. They helped me to feel better and stick to decision I made. With less doubts. Thanks again!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): You've listed so many reasons why you should give him another chance. Everyone is entitled to a mistake. If you believe he sincerely wants to be with you and his baby, then you might want to forgive him and try to make it work with him. You certainly convinced me that there were legitimate reasons that he had the affair.
I understand the feelings of insecurity and pain. But he's telling you he wants to be with you! Believe That!
Trust your gut feelings.
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A
female
reader, SoftlyCaress  +, writes (19 December 2008):
 Give it a try and see how it works out and if not hen part your ways except for the baby of coarse .. You will never know until you try .. It is better to try and know then to never try and always wonder how it would have been...I understand the questions about the distance but you will never know if ya dont try and might regret it later ... GOOD LUCK
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A
male
reader, ThatOneCroatian  +, writes (19 December 2008):
Well, if the ONLY reason he cheated was that you two were too far away, I think it might be somewhat safe to say he won't do it, let alone think about doing it ever again, if you were living together.
It'd be in the best interest for the child if you stayed together, moved in, started a good life (start over, that whole thing) but that's completely up to you, m'am. Children that grow up without a father and a mother are more likely to get into trouble and have problems than a child without one or the other.
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