A
male
age
41-50,
*osh667
writes:So....last month I came home from work to a "Dear John" letter from my boyfriend of 5 years. He said he has some mental issues he has to work out and doesn't want to hurt me any more. At first he was really mean and spiteful, sending me nasty emails, saying terrible things to mutual friends,etc. Then..we run into each other and sit down and talk...and apologise to each other.Since then we have become friends again and he contacts me every other day, wants to "hang out" soon, and wants to spend my birthday with me. I feel like he wants me back but i'm not sure. Matters are also complicated by the fact that i've started dating....i've met a nice guy i like...but im still in love with my ex. So what do i do...try to win the ex back? should i tell him i've started dating? or should i just move on and see where it goes with this new guy?
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male
reader, Undisclosed  +, writes (4 May 2010):
 Old guy wants you back. If you go back you'll spend your time helping him with his issues. You were his boyfriend not a volunteer counselor and should expect some mutual support and strength from him for your life. Relationship has gone one-sided and he no longer has the strength to stand on his own two feet; he's using you as a crutch. You risk being his crutch if you're out to please him and put him before your own life (not healthy).
You like the new guy. See where it goes. There are a lot of great people out there and you never know what may come. Your feelings for your ex of 5 years are normal and will fade as you share new wonderful memories with the new guy. Life does go; you just have to pass through some short emotionally vulnerable periods of nostalgia like this one.
A
male
reader, josh667 +, writes (4 May 2010):
josh667 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionno he doesnt know about the new guy, and apparently he hid these "mental issues" from me...i had know idea he was even unhappy, his leaving took me by complete surprise. so why he left is just as much a mystery to me, im just going by what he said. and i have only been out with the new guy a few times...too early to tell if it will develop into anything.thanks so much for the advice guys
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify  +, writes (4 May 2010):
 why did you two split up? there has to be more to it than "mental issues". it sounds to me like he has treated you with a lack of respect by saying nasty things about you, then when he cant have you he wants you back. sounds like dog in the manger syndrome-wanting something because its not available to you or because someone else has it.
is he aware that you are seeing someone new? and if he is did his newfound interest in you appear when he found out you were seeing someone?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2010): i think it depends on how much you're into this new guy. it's nothing unusual to still have feelings for this guy you've dated for 5 years, but you also dont want to just drop the guy you just met completely if you two have already gotten serious.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2010): New guy
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