A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ahh where to start.......I have been dating a girl now for almost 4 years we recently broke up, probably about 2 months ago. We had a great relationship and it all came to a fall over a house I wanted to buy. My gf and I had been looking at houses together but I will clarify that this was really my house, I was the one fronting all the money and it was to be in my name. This is entirely understandable however, I am 23 and am already in my career where as my girlfriend 22 is still in school full time and currently working a full time job. So make a long story short we had been looking at houses in our current area when one day I received a phone call from a friend of mine and current co worker that he was selling his house and wanted to know if I was interested....this home was 40 minutes from my current area. I looked into the house with my girlfriend and from the begining just with hereing where it was located was dead set against the house. We still both went down and looked at the home and she agreed with my points that it was a great house but she did not want me buying this house because it was too far and if I did she would be no part of it. I loved the house it was exactly what I wanted and in my price range it. I pressed forward and started taking steps to purchase the home. My girlfriend knew this and told me that she did not want to know anything about it and to just not talk about it with her. This is when everything started to go downhill. So I continued got all my finances straight setup closing ect..ect. All this time in my mind Im kinda thinking well if my girlfriend isnt going to be for this at all and will not move in with me then I guess its only a matter of time before we split. I pleded with her to look at all the positives that we would be living in a house on our own but soon enough she wanted to breakup and I agreed. At first I didnt really think much of it but then she didnt talk tome for two weeks...this might seem cliche' but she went officially single on facebook and myspace so I just thought "well I guess we are really done" I didnt do so well with this, I thought i was fine, I was going out partying all the time drinking redicuously had a one night stand(which I regret the most...this is probably why we arnt together anymore.) After weeks of this life style I get a call from my gf she says that she wants to make it work and I agree but as we continued to talk in this convo she still has this negative attitude and saying things like " I want us to work but I dont know how with you living 40 minutes away....Im still not living there." This irritated me and by the end of the conversation we left it as we still both needed time. I think my reasons were 100% wrong now I was just mad but it is what it is now. So another week goes we had talked a few times and I get a call on a saturday morning. It was my girlfriend extremely upset asking me if I had been with a girl? I told her yes and that just made her even more hysterical, she wanted to come over and talk and we met. I felt horrible, this is when I started facing reality ( I tend to think my month of partying was me just acting out.) So anyway we are talking, her upset and she begins to tell me that even though we were broken up, she never really considered us to be split and she cannot believe I was with another girl. She continued to tell me that she was going to tell me that day she wanted to move in with me and make us right. I at this point am overwelmed never did I see any of this coming so at this point her knowing what she does the tables get turned. Now for weeks Ive been the one moping around calling her ect. we still talk and all I want us to do is get back together she does too but cannot get over what I did. She almost makes me feel like I cheated but I explained to her from my standing point and she agrees with me she says that all her little "actions" backfired on her, which I definetly agree because in my mind we were never getting back together. Ive been a mess though I try not to call her much for fear of pushing her away but all I want to do is be with her again. I just closed on the house a week ago and on my way to closing was really considering ending the whole thing but did not in the end. You would think buying my first house I would be excited but I have not even picked up any of the paperwork.....(im renting the house to the previous homeowner untill he settles on his new home). We meet up on sunday to "talk" and Basically now she is focused on her....she says she still loves me as much as she ever did but she doenst find me attractive anymore she said"if you kissed me right now I would be against it." This night I felt like I was being stabbed in the heart. I feel like she is moving on and no longer wants me to be a part of her life yet she says she does. At the end of our converstation that night I asked her so what do I do now do I call you?" She replied I dont know, which in my mind was a no. So I didnt but after about a week I text her to see if she wanted to meet up she said yes but in the end played me off. Asked acouple days later to go to dinner but no she was too busy. Im leaving her alone now kinda mad though She always had time for me now she never does. How much of this is games and how much is true...I just dont know where to go from here? I thought I would marry this girl one day and have kids ect.....should I just move on......give her space or should I try and save what was a great relationship and could now be even stronger?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell my ex called me last night and we talked for about an hour I had alot to say obviously as did she... I really feel just as confused though now as I did before I talked to her. I brought up us getting back together and she says that somedays thats what she wants but then other days she just gets upset about me being with another girl. I just am so torn on how to feel she tells me she loves me she says that she wants to feel the way she did before but just cant seem to get past it. Then she is telling me about how she is going to brazil in a few months to teach english(thats her major.) I honestly think that is great but I cant help but feel like she is moving in another direction....pretty much everything she was saying gave me that idea, yet she still wants me to be apart of her life and to me thats just torture, im not one to believe you can be friends after a serious relationship. If that was the case with her and I, I would always have that feeling of wanting more. I know everyone says move on ect but Im just not in that frame of mind yet, maybe im trying to hold on to something that isnt there but I feel like if i dont give it a shot and try to fight for her back, then I will just live in constant regret wondering what if and if I had done this or that? I never thought I would be so crazed over a woman but Ill tell you what, i most definetly have been biten. When it comes to the topic of me with this other girl, if that is what is stuck in my ex's mind I tend to think that will never go away so then I start thinking that im just really wasting my time entirely?.....Until later notice, oh yes and thank you everyone for all your responses, much appreciated.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (9 December 2009):
 Let's see...your girlfriend didn't get you out of buying the house that she didn't want, so instead she went off and pouted. Then she pulled this guilt tripping crap out of nowhere - HELLO, YOU WERE NOT TOGETHER, SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU AND YOU DIDN'T OWE HER ANYTHING - and whatever you two had together is over. (That crap about deciding to tell you that day she wanted to move in is most likely untrue and was said only to make you feel bad.)
But really it was over when you decided on the house. Instead of deciding on these things as a couple and maybe looking for a few more houses, giving her some time to think on it, and coming to a joint decision, you went ahead and did what you wanted. Technically you could do what you wanted, it was your house and your money. But that was the key there; her opinion didn't count. That's the kind of decision a single man makes, not a committed one.
Now she is playing around,
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): I'm sorry that you are going through this. I'm also facing the same stupid fights with my boyfriend if that its of any comfort...looks pretty much the same story...
We fought about were to move also, we haven't decided yet...but I still Im conveinced thats its better for me to move to a certain place he doesnt want because of the same reasons of being far away from his work, but be convinient for me as my job is in that town.And I dont want to change my mind and destroy my carrier as its the certain thing that makes me feel independent and some how free.
all these are major changes to me.Im not sure if I can go by his rules as I feel that the future with him is uncertain...
I tell you my own story here. But I think Im in the same position as your girl... I think she wants to move on with her life but still loves you and doens't want to leave you... If you can make her change her mind about you and make her see that you truly love her and will do anything to work, Im sure she will come back to you. But you have to give her reassuarance and attention to what she really needs and if she sees you really care about her Im sure he will not refuse to spend the rest of her life with you...as about me, my boyfriend doesnt give me so much attention anymore and this is destroying everything.Im not sure if he is the right one for me as I feel he is taking me for granted.
ps:if you really love her you have to show her that...she needs to know that...If I were you I wouldnt refuse a change...but this change should be true because a lot of people say that they maybe change but they are repeating the same mistakes and in consequence their relationships are frequently at risk.
If she thinks she made her desicion it will be quite difficult to change her mind...there is something that it cant be fixed, she will remember what displeased her and there will be other fights on similar things..
I guess from a relationship to be in a next level like marriage you have to surpass this stage of not knowing what you want. because marriage is a serious matter with much more responsibilities than you could imagine and this will mak elife a little bit more stressful than it really was right now...
take care and good luck! I hope I could have helped a little!
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A
female
reader, Salem_Graves +, writes (8 December 2009):
Obviously this girl has some issues. Not to P*ss you off.
If she can't be happy for you, in getting what you want in your life, then (Sigh) then she isn't right for you at all. You seem like someone who has direction in life and you shouldn't let ANYONE get in the way of that. She seems to have one thing on her mind and that's HER. What she wants. What she thinks. It just seems awful one-sided, My MTI (Drill Sargent) told me "If, it's one-sided it ain't a relationship." and, he was right.
Forget her, it isn't worth it. There will come another and she will be better...give it time.
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A
female
reader, Sminky  +, writes (8 December 2009):
 This is a tough one but it sounds to me like she's playing games. Yeah, she's hurt you slept with someone else because in her head, you should have been moping around after her.
You thought the relationship was over, because that's what she wanted you to think. This was possibly all a ploy to get you to change your mind over the house that has spectacularly backfired on her.
Some women think that a man should read their minds, even if what is coming out of their mouth is the opposite! (Sorry girls, its true)
You were probably supposed to come running saying 'you pick the house, honey, I'll just pay' she probably wouldn't even say yes to that, you'd have to insist, then its your idea.
You have two options. Give her what she wants, your undying love. I wouldn't give up the house, but it might be the only thing that works.
Otherwise, move on, just make sure, SHE knows you've moved on. But be subtle, chances are she'll come running in the end.
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