A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:OK in a nutshell:I used to be friends with this guy, who to be completely honest, I had a bit of a crush on - but I always knew it wouldn't go anywhere as he was gay, which I knew from the start. We were friends for about 18 months. During the first 12 months we went on holidays together and probably saw each other 2 or 3 times a week. We planned a holiday to Las Vegas and then half jokingly he said we should get married while there and even went as far as telling his mum and work colleagues we were going to. He also got upset in a jealous way when I posted on someone's FB and called them by a pet name I used for him too. After about a year we started to have disagreements - he let me down a couple of times and my trust was broken. I told him this and at first he said he would win back my trust, that I should just wait and see. I then went through a rough time with work to the point where I thought I would have to return to my home country and he was distraught to the point of tears. But then our disagreements continued - mostly bringing up the past stuff we had already argued about before. He stopped calling me to just hang out, but still called if he needed support or would email to chat about stuff where he wanted me to be supportive or if he actually needed my help with something. I was hurt and asked him if it was that he just didn't want to hang out any more and he said I was imagining it. After 6 months of this and his denials - I decided I didn't want to be used as this emotional support just when he was feeling down in the dumps and suggested we not have contact for 3 months. I emailed him and suggested this and he said it was fine - to start with, but then had a complete turn around but instead of talking to me about it, just deleted me from FB and refused to talk to me at all. Within days of deleting me off FB he was then involved in organising a birthday party for a mutual friend using FB for the invites. At the last minute another mutual friend asked him if I could attend after seeing I wasn't on the FB guest list (i didn't know until she told me) and he said I could but I felt very self concious and awkward about attending after being excluded and so I didn't go. I later challenged him for not including me on the invites and at first he said he had invited me through this mutual friend which had asked on my behalf, forwarding me her email as proof, but all it said was what she had said - which was asking if I could go. He later admitted he didn't want me to be there and had deliberately not invited me and made a big point of saying he was doing something for his "best friend" which had previously been me. We then had a major falling out, the past stuff was dredged up again (by him). We've not spoken since.This was about a year ago. I still miss my friend - from before all this drama started, but I don't want to argue about the same stuff again. Really my question is as simple as: should I try to talk to him a year on and see if there's any sort of friendship left to salvage or just let things go. We still have a big group of mutual friends and he still avoids coming out if we are both invited to the same event - to the point of canceling at the last moment if he finds out that I'm attending.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, GG96  +, writes (22 April 2011):
I know I'm young, but i think i know the answer to this question. You need to ask yourself, is the friendship worth it? It sounds like you had some good times together, but you also sound like you had a very rough patch. Look deep inside yourself, and ask is this worth my time?
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