A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy on cruise that I was on. He worked on the cruise itself. If anyone knew that he was even speaking to me that much he would get fired immediately. Every night we would meet in secret and just talk / hang out. He was never disrespectful to me nor did he ever try to feel me up or have sex with me. We had kisses and hugs but that was it. He told me that he never met anyone like me and didnt want to loose me. With his job he works for 4mths then has 1 mth off - which means if we did become bf/gf it would be long distance and we would only see each other for a month every 4mths. He told me that when his current contract finishes (which will be in one month now) that he would come to my country to see me for his time off (he is from a diff part of Europe). Because I knew of the risk he was taking of loosing his job if he was even caught sitting/speaking to me - I mean, I believed him because I didnt think he would take such a gamble if he didnt mean it. Since I have been back he has emailed me a few times as well as call me. But the thing is, he works 14hr days and it costs him a fair amount to use the internet and make calls. So because of this I would only hear from him every 3dys or so. He still says he is wanting to come to see me and how he misses me and wants me to be his gf etc etc. Again, I didnt think a guy who would be playing games would spend all that effort and money for a girl he didnt genuinely like.But now it has been 6dys since I last heard from him and it is really freaking me out. I think I could handle the long distance thing because in my own life I am so busy I may not have time for a bf if he lived here to see every day so it works out ok perhaps. But what I am not coping well with is hearing from him not as often as I would like. I am trying to be understanding but it is really hard. Especially now as doubts have started coming into my mind. People are saying to me that he prob meets lots of diff girls each week (which I am sure he most likely does) and that he is prob playing around and that he could maybe even see me as an easy option of a girl waiting for him to come home to every few months he can have fun with while he is off having his own fun while he is away.I am feeling very confused right now. It isnt even in my control because it is all down to him contacting me. In a normal situation I would not put up with a guy being part time in contacting me - but the fact is, he is in the middle of an ocean, doing 7dy weeks and 14hr days - when his shift finishes each day it is 1am my time, and I know it costs him alot to use the net / phone. But at the same time I need some more regular contact or else it is going to drive me mad. I just dont know what to do here or say or if I am going about this all wrong.I wonder if anyone else has insider knowledge on these cruise things? Should I be worried about guys who work on these cruises? Are they playing lots of girls all of the time? I really thought he was genuine but now when I do nto hear from him for a whole 6dys I am having alarm signals. I dont know what to do. Help?
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male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (25 October 2010):
 Just take it a little easy and try not jump too far in the deep end yet. The good news is most shipping crew jobs/contracts only last from three to six months and there's no guarantee of the employment continuing. It sounds he may be travelling. Offer him to come and visit you in your country when/if he's finished working there. You'll know he's serious when he comes to see you. And then you can take things further. I don't think he would get fired for starting a love interest unless the shipping company has serious anal dictatorship issues.
Your the one in control here not him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): Certainly be careful in this situation. Don't ignore red flags he may give you during your conversations.
You know he's very busy with his job, and you know it takes a great deal of effort for him to contact you. This won't ever change as long as he's employed on the cruise line. If this is something you are already have difficulties handling, do you think you're going to be able to endure this long-distance relationship for very long? Just a point to consider.
Best of luck to you!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (25 October 2010):
 Take a deeep breath ...... the internet on the boat might be down, it can happen, he might be extra busy ... that too can happen.
Yes, I bet they meet lots of girls, and yes, I am sure some of them do play up, but we dont know that about this young man for sure, none of us do, not your friends or family, nor the aunts on here, not even you, and you are the only one who has actually met him and spent time with him.
Why not just take it easy, if he contacts you and his reason for not emailing seems valid and reasonable, well accept it at face value.
Have him come and visit your country, treat him as you would any valued visitor, take it one step at a time, I am not saying dont listen to those who are telling you to be careful, I am saying, just have an open mind until you have more information and spend a little more time with him in a "normal" environment because you make any decisions or come to any conclusions. He could very well be genuine!
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