A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been going out for 4 years. I just found out last week he has been smoking weed about once/week on and off for the past year and 1/2. Long story short, he told me all about it, and after a lot of crying I gave him the choice…weed or me. He was so emotional and said he doesn’t want to lose me. During this past week he has got rid of everything and promised me he will talk to me about it if he is tempted and will stop because he loves me too much to hurt me again. His weed smoking friends are some of his best friends, and they are ok with him stopping. They said you gotta go what you gotta do…I’m just worried he may be tempted and give in, should I really trust and believe him? Any general advice or comments are appreciated.
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female
reader, scrdofyou +, writes (20 September 2009):
 I also agree with rainorfire and the others..He hasnt done anything stupid on it and yes it is indeed legal in many places, that would be like him asking you to quit shopping or something just because he wants you too. You would say no im pretty sure, so why make him choose? You loved him just as much when you never knew about it, so how does it change things now?
Anonymous wrote that if he values you enough he will quit, well what about it being the other way around? If you valued him enough and LOVED him enough, you would respect his decision and not try to make him choose between the 2.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2009): to be blunt, you shouldn't have given that ultimatum. 1 1/2 years without you being able to notice is a VERY long time. with that in mind, i dont really see how it is a bad thing. he hasnt done something foolish, has he? he hasnt left, been sent to jail for it, quit work, or stopped loving you the entire time he was smoking. seems like you are asking for a bit much. wasnt a problem until you found out and it still didnt get in the way..basically, what are your reasons for asking him to quit? just because you want him to isnt a very good reason, sadly. threatening him with reminders of its illegal status only makes things difficult for the both of you, and eventually pushes him away. unless it is causing serious problems in your life or your relationship, i just dont understand your reasoning.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): There seem to be a lot of pro-pot people on this board, pay no attention to them, they are only defending their own position on the subject at hand. If your boyfriend values you enough, and wants to quit smoking pot for his own health, then he will. He may slip up at times, relapse is part of every recovery, but the prognosis is good because pot is not a physically addictive substance.I am curious about the friends however, did they tell you that they support his decision, or did he tell you that they said so? There is a huge difference!Try to be supportive of your guy, giving up things is not easy and it shows true love for you that he is trying to do so, he sounds like a good guy :)
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (19 September 2009):
 WEEEEELLLL ok so after four years now you want him to stop smoking weed,you didnt even kno about it before and it wasnt a problem so why is it a problem now your BF has no balls plain and simple cuse theres no way a man is gonna let a chick give him an ultamatum like that.I would have asked you what is your problem with the weed smoking now that you found out.Its weed not Crack.Its actually legal in many places.YOU cant expect him to quit cold turkey after this many years.If your not involved in law enforcement dont have any polical aspirations im sure a pot smoking bf wont hold you back.MY qestion to you is why do you care, are you that goody goody hes not running a child sex ring so its really none of your business hes a grown man. let him get his blaze on.lastly if you think hes really gonna stop cause you told him to lol wow. hes probably in a smoke filled basment rite now laughing about it. Im sure he will manage without you alot easier then without Mary J
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A
female
reader, shonacan  +, writes (19 September 2009):
I am a casual weed smoker and my partner is very anti, I understand these are different situations however I do feel that he may struggle through it especially if you are pushing him to give up. I think if u support him in a loving way he may be able to break the habit but if u allow him to smoke with his friends from time to time as long as he is able to tell you he is doing i without you hitting the roof he is more likely to stop doing it altogether. If you tell him to choose and he cant stop altogether he will feel he has chosen drugs over you when in fact that isnt the case...moral is support him and encourage him but do not put up boundries as he will hide it from you if he crosses them again...Hope that helps.. (as is what my partner does to me and I have cut back to smoking once every now and again if in the right situation and always tell him before hand)
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A
female
reader, scrdofyou +, writes (19 September 2009):
Well for one I think youre being a bit dramatic over the situation, Im not condoning weed but come on, crying and making him choose?
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