A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi People i really need some help!!! Please let me know what you thinkI am a 24 year old mum of an adorable 21 month old girl, and have been married to her father for 2 years this December. since we got married my husband has been lying to me about stupid little things like what he spent small amounts of money on. We met online (not a dating or friend finder service) and things progressed rather quickly... so much so we were married after 10 months and our daughter was born on the anniversary of our first date. recently his lies have been getting more frequent and more hurtful. He told me that an ex girl friend added him on face book but that they weren't talking at all. one day i went to use the computer but he had not logged out and there were all these messages being sent back and forward between them, including the swapping of numbers. When i confronted my husband he denied it then accused me of invading his privacy, then he was all apologetic and deleted her off of his friends list, and when i asked if he still had her number he said he deleted it cause he didnt need it. saturday just gone i was looking for a file on the computer when i stumbled across a hidden file that had this girls name and number. When i confronted my husband he got angry had like 4 or 5 different excuses of how it got there and then when my brother asked why i was upset he said i was just being a crazy hormonal chick. my husband also told me in the last couple of months that when we met online he had a girl friend (which i knew about and they broke up before we got together) but that he was actually looking for a new girlfriend not just friends as he told me cause him and his girlfriend at the time were new to the area. this coupled with hiding at the other end of the house when on the phone and telling me it was his mum, who then calls later that night to say hi has me not trusting a word he says.He knows that i have zero trust in him and that we have a lot of work to do if this marriage is going to work but he wants me to forget everything and go back to normal. i cant even stand being touched let alone kissed by him at the moment and he keeps trying to push me into hugging and kissing him. He keeps telling me he loves me but i dont feel loved and i honestly dont think that i feel the same or can ever feel the same about him again. i know this is going to impact my little girl no matter what we do but i don't know whether to stick around and try to make it work or if its gonna make things worse cause all we do is fight now.Any and all advice is welcome!!!! Thank you for having the patience to read my ramblings!!!
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male
reader, Friendly Bear  +, writes (7 November 2009):
You say that he knows you have zero trust in him, but how? Sometimes people don't listen to us. It's worth telling him again "Because of what has happened in the past I sometimes find it hard to trust you...." It sounds like he's wanting you to tell him that you love him. When was the last time you told him? You seem to be withdrawing your physical love. I know that being told I'm loved and physical contact are very important for me. Your actions could be in danger of driving him away. If this other woman is meeting his needs he's going to find her a more attractive option. If you love him then tell him. Love is the glue of relationships and it will get you through this difficulty. If you don't love him then there is no point in being with him and you should leave. Good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): It sounds like you both rushed into a marriage without clearly discussing your relationship expectations. But it's not too late if you're both willing to work on things. Yes, you need to let some past stuff go if you want things to work, but he also needs to be 100% honest with you about his ex. My advice is to see a counselor that will help you guys sort some of these issues out.
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A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (5 November 2009):
 Hi, can't say i blame you for feeling like you do, cos i wouldn't trust him either.
Men always want to put everything under the carpet when they've been busted about something,while the woman is left to fume silently by herself or risk having her other half becoming angry and make her feel guilty or crazy.
Trust your gut cos it's always right. You two don't seem to be able to communicate effectively and this mistrust will breed resentment and therefore make you turned off sexually and mentally.
He needs to be aware of the damage being done to your marriage and how seriously you feel.
He needs to think about you and not himself good luck x
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