A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband had been cheating on me with another girl from his university. Initially they were just normal friends but then the thing turned into a full blown affair. Over the past year I confronted him several time and each time it would turn into a fight with him saying that they are just friends and nothing had been going on between them and that I should trust him as that girl is too young for him. He had been lying right to my face. 3 months ago I found evidence of his infidelity and he confessed the truth to me. He said that it was just a phase and it will pass away. But he still went and had sex with that girl few days after making the confession to me. But then he came to know that the girl had been going out with other boys behind his back as well. Although he says that he is 100% sure that she didnot cheat him physically (she was a virgin when they had sex the first time --- according to my husband) but she did cheat him emotionally by not telling him that she had been going out with other boys.Later on they had too many fights and my husband came back to me and said that he was sorry to both me and that girl as well because he had done me and that girl a great wrong. He is extremely guilty about everything from betraying my trust to taking away the virginity of that girl (being a virgin is of extreme importance in our culture) and he also says that he was the maturest person of us all 3 and he should have kept everything under control.However, after everything that has happened and although their affair has ended but still he is friends with her. Should I trust him???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): I don't think I could ever trust him again. He betrayed you and your wedding vows. A person who has an affair is very selfish, only thinking of one's self. Walk away from a cheater, you don't need that in your life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for the advise.
The elder are already involved. Actually he came clean to his own mom and told her everything. She is totally against him at the moment and my father-in law and brother in law also know how he has cheated. They have not made his life miserable but they have also made it quite clear that they are with me and that he is the one who is wrong.
I have also told my own mother about the matter although not the extent to which he betrayed me just that he had started off with that girl only recently.
I am 100% sure that he never had any affair before this because he is in a profession where it was not possible for him to have an affair. Before marriage yes but not after marriage. That I am 100% sure about.
What I want to ask is should I give him another chance? I can not dissolve the marriage because I have two kids to think about and besides it is not an acceptable option in our culture. And as far as finances are concerned he has started giving the entire earnings to me before this he didnt give me the income.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): NEVERyour hb is not to be trusted now or in the future.he took this girls virgininty and now when she does eventually get married her hb will have sloppy seconds.your hb is a liar and he is a thief: a thief in the sense that he stole her virginity and he "abused' her purity status. she is not totally blameless BUT your hb is the one who betryaed you and your marriage.he is not the mature one. he is the user and the liar and the abuser of sorts. he knows the implications of virginity / non virginity in your culture yet he defiled this younger woman and he now just expects you to get on with your life with him. too many men use their status as men and head of the household to do as they please. they have affairs, have kids out of wedlock and just expect their wives to accept their cheating ways. your hb is a manipulator and he liar. you know it and he does too. therefore he does what he does. is this the only affair he has had? or one of many. how do you trust anything that comes out of his mouth.please do not be like other women from similar cultures who turn a blind eye to their hbs infedility. you seems educated, seems like you have a good head on your shoulders. You also need to seek the wise counsel of family members. you need to tell them about your hbs affair and you need to make certain that he doesn't get away with it. by telling the elders you will be doing the right thing. you see your hb is manipulating you so if you tell elders in the family he will know that his game is up. you hb then will have to face the consequences of his cheating. do not sweep this under the carpet and pretend that you have a happy marriage. so many women pretend and do not want to involve their elders because they are ashamed.remember you did nothing wrong. but you will be in the wrong to let him get away scott free. if you do then when he betrays you again he will know that you are weak and that he can walk all over you.i think your marital regime is perhaps married out of community without accrual. so do your homework and see what your finances are. show him that you are strong, you are wise and that you are aware of your choices. do not keep quite and be that subservient wife that he expects. please also check whether you have any std's. him sleeping around and expecting you to still have sex with him will put your life in dire straits.good luck. plse let us know what happens.
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