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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Me and my bf are almost every time fighting over the same darn thing. SEX. If we didn't have sex in a while like for example in a week he starts telling me that this isn't normal, that we should have it more often, that no man can control it and cant go without sex for a long time because there will happen something with them, that it's not healthy (for him 1 week without sex is like a lifetime). He said that all men are like this. I thought that sex is something special between two lovers and that you should do it to show your love to one another and you should have it when you both want it and to respect that, not just to please their sexual desires. I guess it's not like that. So is my bf right and if so pls help me to understand. Should I have sex with him just to please him when I'm not in the mood or should he learn to control himself.
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male
reader, holydave  +, writes (18 August 2010):
Speaking as a 20 year old male with a beautiful, wonderful female partner of the same age, I can almost categorically state that your man is talking absolute pish.In many ways, my girlfriend has a higher sex drive than me; I'd say sex every day is bordering on excessive (not for any prudish reasons, just for purely practical ones regarding the condition of my back :P), I'm pretty sure she'd love it. We have sex about once every two-three days, but can sometimes go a week or, as is quite common due to us living in different UK countries, a month without any sex at all. I'd rather not, but nothing bad has happened to my health. Actually, that is the most worrisome part of your story to me. Abstinence CANNOT harm your health, and it wouldn't surprise me if he knows this and is just trying to guilt you into intercourse, which of course is utterly abhorrent. Tell him to go and get acquainted with Madame Palm and her five lovely daughters, and/or to grow the hell up. Never, ever, have sex if you are not in the mood; there's just no point and it can be quite degrading.Please, don't let your partner make any unreasonable demands on you. If you think they might me speaking crap, look it up up and call them out on it. I know it's a cliché, but dishonesty can destroy a relationship, so get that (and him) seen to.Mike
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): Just read you last post. What he said made you feel awful but just imagine how he feels given what I wrote about how he feels when you reject him. Nevertheless, you should set boundaries, don't allow him to say hurtful things to you and you do the same. When he does, tell him you are hurt. It is also important to get at the root of his hurt.
Ask him about it, when you are not upset. Understanding is a two way street. He will respond with understanding for you if you accept his true nature as a man and not the one society has imposed upon him. But you must make sure to get the same from him.
How often does he want to have sex. You should come to a compromise on the frequency and stick to it; show him some love. BTW masturbation is normal, it is a normal release for him, please try to understand. Let him have his privacy about this it dose not hurt you and it helps him.
Again, when you understand male sexuality, you will not make demands on him that go against what is natural and normal and almost impossible for him to do. Believe me he will see you as a gem if you show understanding and will do anything for you. Love all of him even the parts you don't understand.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2010): He is not expressing his true feelings about how he feels when you reject him. Many men find it difficult to express how they feel. It may be that they think it makes them seem weak or that the woman cannot be trusted to understand and not use it against him.
In a committed relationship, a man chooses one woman that he wants to show his love and commitment to and he shows it through sex. His desire for sex is not just physical but deeply emotional it makes him feel close to you and deepen his love for you. When you refuse to have sex with him after he has chosen you, he actually feels devastated and unloved it affects how he feels about himself as a man. Do you love this man? If you do don't do what you are doing to him, you are making him desperately unhappy. he can't express it to you though.
I don't blame you for thinking that sex is just a physical act, many women think as you and men cannot tell you directly how they feel so they express it as a need. It is but it is also a need to feel loved, close and accepted by you, the woman he has chosen to be with exclusively. According to the experts, men say they can have sex without caring but most men prefer sex with a partner they love. When they love, sex becomes an expression of that love.
It may be hard to beleive given pop culture cynical view of male sexuality but it is true. When he wants to have sex with you he is telling you that he finds you desires and loves you. Read up on the subject.
If you learn to accept this fact you will be a dream come true for the man you love because you will understand in a way that few women do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes my bf is 28 although he is my first and I'm his first.
I don't mind him masturbating as long as he doesn't masturbate to other girls or to porn. He used to masturbate before he met me. He told me that it doesn't feel right doing it now and that he only wants me. That makes me feel good and all but sometimes I just think that this isn't normal. He told me that I should enjoy it while I can cause in a few years he might not want it so much and then I'll be begging for it. This makes me feel awful.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): ive only had one partner my entire life. that partner is gone, and i havent had sex in over two and a half years... no, not all men are like that.
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female
reader, SillyB  +, writes (4 July 2010):
 I disagree with the girls below - if you want to keep your man happy long term - give him sex at least 3/4 times per week! Men have 30 x the testosterone than women. Testosterone is one of the hormones that influences sex drive. This means 1 days without sex for a man is equivalent to the urge a woman may feel 30 days without sex. Physically, a man needs this relief.
But also, on an emotional level men use sex to relax, to relieve stress, to bond, to find acceptance and to feel wanted/loved. You saying no to sex on a regular basis (because of your 'mood') is a direct rejection of him. Men feel rejected when their partner does not want them in that way. This then can create multiple other feelings including self-doubt, not being good enough, withdrawl and anger. Hence, the fighting.
Long term - an unsatisfied man in bed will only lead to problems in the relationship. Read some posts and see how many men justify sleeping with prostitutes or cheating because their partner does not want to have sex with them on a regular basis. At best he could leave you over this.
I think you need to take a serious look at yourself and figure out why you do not want sex so often and why you are withholding it. You are young, the relationship is young, there is no reason why you should not have it more often in a week. Mood or no mood. Calmly explain to him what you'd like to change in him/in your environment which would help you feel better about having sex with him. If that means him helping around the house or being romantic - COMMUNICATE this!!!
If this is simply a 'mood' thing than good luck to you and your relationship. No healthy man will stay in a relationship with irregular sex and if he does, he won't be happy!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2010): All men are NOT like this!Is your bf between 26-29 years old? He sounds much younger.Some guys want it more than others.my bf is the opposite. once a week seems to be enough for him!. He jokinly said to me once 'im not 19 anymore'. He may have a very high sex drive. talk to him about it. You should have to have sex all the time just because he wants to. Also remind him that its not the end of the world if he goes with out for a week. What if you had to go out of town? He has two options. Either wait until you want to or do it himself. And cheating is never the option
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female
reader, Pinkpies +, writes (4 July 2010):
At the end of the day.... when I have slept with boyfriends when I wasn't in the mood I started to not want it even more.It's only not normal if you've completely gone off sex, and don't want to at all any more ... which generally means you need to work on your relationship.Girls need to feel mentally right to sleep with someone, if a guy can't put in the effort, and just expects sex ... then he shouldn't get any as far as I'm concerned. ;)
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