A
female
age
41-50,
*hrissy1977uk
writes:im just 3 weeks pregnant and its the one thing i want most in the world. im 33 and was beginning to fear it would be too late for me. my partner wants me to terminate, weve discussed children and ive always been under the impression it would happen, just not yet. now it has after one silly mistake of not using protection he has decided he definitely doesnt want anymore children. he has 3 and the 3rd is only 2 and he feels he was trapped and that his ex did it on purpose however this is not the case with me, it was a mutual decision to take that risk. i love him so much but i know if i keep this baby he will resent us and if i abort i will never forgive myself or him.
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his ex, trapped Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (13 March 2010):
 You may disagree but to insult and belittle others is beyond reproach.
Don't judge others, lest you will be judged with the same high standards you judged others.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): Anne can you not have children?Is that what's made you so bitter
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A
female
reader, chrissy1977uk +, writes (12 March 2010):
chrissy1977uk is verified as being by the original poster of the questionalso i couldve done what he asked and had this abortion days ago....much to my regret because we have decided to still go to thailand together and maybe see how we can get along as a family. so i couldve been living with regret today.
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A
female
reader, chrissy1977uk +, writes (12 March 2010):
chrissy1977uk is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni think u speak alot of blither blather and confuse things anne and what narked me in the first place was not your opinion but your comments on my relationship...you know nothing about myself and partner and whilst your comments/opinion were noted other comments certainly uncalled for..."warped relationship" what do you know about that??? and if u have children to be honest i pity them cos their mother doesnt think the world of them by the sounds of it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): :)It's funny that all of you are assuming anyone who does not believe that their life is meaningless without a child is childless. You say a man had a choice to keep this sperm. He took this chance. What if she had taken the chance. What if he wanted the baby and she did not. Would you still ask her to keep it?A child belongs to two people. In the Victorian times, they believed a man owned the children. A woman was a mere vessel. Now, you believe the child owns the mother. The father is optional. Regressive thinking is not your opinion or mine - it is regressive. It's extremely selfish parenting to PLAN to bring a child without his dad into this world. Go read whatever you want or ask however many people, a child needs both his parents. I understand if it cannot be. And a single parent can do a good job, but it's very, very selfish to plan it to be so - from the child's point of view and for the father. Just as the boyfriend was (I'm glad he's coming around) being selfish because he has already experienced fatherhood and his girlfriend wants to be a mother. As for "Your life is nothing without children" - it IS pathetic. Any one who depends so completely on one relationship or defines themselves by it, has something to be pitied. Certainly not something you own up to. Not something to be proud of. Not good for the child either. Overwhelmed parents are not the best kind. They often end up creating co dependence. What if someone came and confessed here that her boyfriend was her entire life - would you think that is good? ANNE.
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A
female
reader, chrissy1977uk +, writes (12 March 2010):
chrissy1977uk is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlol thanks married lady its the first time ive used this site and ive found it a great help from an unbiased opinion. feeling a bit more positive now and my partner is coming round more every minute xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010): Very strange. "Your life is nothing without children." Maybe that is true of some of you. And that is pitiable.
female anon: you are entitled to your opinion and we are entitled to ours without being attacked or belittled for those views. i would hope that you understand that while you may not want children, that some people do. it is a fulfilling thing. no one is tell you that you should have those same feelings. we were basing our replies on what the OP said.
I find it very, very strange that you think it's okay to force a baby on a guy. He will have to pay for it. What if someone made your pregnant against your will? Would you still keep the baby?
No one forced this child upon the guy. he CHOSE to take a chance. this is a man who has made babies in the past...so im sure he knew the risk. there is no point in supposing the circumstances were different. we could waste a lot of time debating what ifs...i prefer to address this particular case.
It's your body. But its his sperm and his child as well.
If you want a child that desperately go find a sperm bank. Otherwise in a relationship it should be a joint decision.
it was a joint decision. he made the decision to have unprotected sex. i seriously doubt she raped him against his will...and once again he knew the risks.
There are tons of you who keep saying that a child comes first - if you really cared about the child you would not PLAN to bring it into the world without his father.
there are millions of self adjusted people in this word who never knew their father. and many others who have fathers who are abusive or useless. they didnt PLAN to bring the child into the world...but it has happened and she is going to take responsibility...and furthermore actually enjoy the unexpected.
The boyfriend sounds very selfish anyway - he has his "meaning of life" with three children. And he does not want to have more. This relationship sounds warped anyway.
did you forget to take your compassion pill this morning female anon? i really do feel sorry for you. i do hope that you find happiness in life. good luck dear, mal
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A
female
reader, mommy01  +, writes (11 March 2010):
 I do not agree with your boyfriend. A child begins it's life at conception and is a living being. I have one child and he is my entire world and couldn't possibly live without him. If you want this baby then keep it. It is your body and it is your baby. Children are beautiful. Don't destroy what might be your only chance. Your boyfriend will warm up to the idea after a while just explain how you feel. Hope this helps and wish for the best for all three of you! :)
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female
reader, chrissy1977uk +, writes (11 March 2010):
chrissy1977uk is verified as being by the original poster of the questionalso female anon you sound pretty bitter, saying its pitiable that peoples lives are nothing without children...well thats your opinion u sound like a pretty horrible person to be honest
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A
female
reader, chrissy1977uk +, writes (11 March 2010):
chrissy1977uk is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwho asked you to judge my relationship female anon i asked for advice on the other aspect so if u cant stick to the subject then jog along with other views. for your information i am financially stable and money is of no relevance to me. and it wasnt a joint decision...it was a joint mistake...i was given no choice either. i have a thai holiday booked in may so yes altho i want children its a bad time for me also. im not prepared to abort this child so thanks for the comment but its not relevant to me anyway...hes told he will be a father...but after hearing your views im guessing u would be the kind of woman that would use abortion as a form of birth control. get a grip!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010): Thank you Chrissy for the update. I am so pleased you are following what your heart.
Anonymous male, I really don't know how you can say that anyone 'owes' someone an termination.
Take care Chrissy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010): Very strange. "Your life is nothing without children." Maybe that is true of some of you. And that is pitiable.
I find it very, very strange that you think it's okay to force a baby on a guy. He will have to pay for it. What if someone made your pregnant against your will? Would you still keep the baby?
It's your body. But its his sperm and his child as well.
If you want a child that desperately go find a sperm bank. Otherwise in a relationship it should be a joint decision.
There are tons of you who keep saying that a child comes first - if you really cared about the child you would not PLAN to bring it into the world without his father.
The boyfriend sounds very selfish anyway - he has his "meaning of life" with three children. And he does not want to have more. This relationship sounds warped anyway.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010): Thank you Chrissy for the update. I am so pleased you are following what your heart.
Anonymous male, I really don't know how you can say that anyone 'owes' someone an termination.
Take care Chrissy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010): i think you are making the wisest decision. there is no doubt that it will be hard, and you more than likely will end up alone although hopefully, your guy will step up to the plate for you when he sees your mind is made up.
anon male, i have reread these posts and not one person pushed her to not have an abortion on moral grounds. we were simply saying from her own words it is something that she didnt feel that she could live with. i do have strong feelings about the subject but i did not answer from those feelings. i answered from the posters feelings about wanting a child ..."its the one thing i want most in the world"...be fair male anon. we were. :)
...keep us posted chrissy, we do care and we will be here if you need us. best wishes on your future, and i know the child will enrich your life beyond measure. mal
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (11 March 2010):
Glad to hear your wise decision. When the baby comes out, he will change his opinion.
Que! Sera! Sera! What ever will be ,will be !
Children are a blessings from God.
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A
female
reader, chrissy1977uk +, writes (11 March 2010):
chrissy1977uk is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all the responses people...they were touching. i am keeping the baby what will be will be xx
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A
female
reader, kayla20 +, writes (11 March 2010):
 you shouldnt do something you dont want to do. someone once told me when my partner tried to get me to terminate that if i have atleast one doubt about abortion then i shouldnt go through with it as i will resent my partner and il regret it for the rest of my life.i took into consideration that although i loved my partner at the time and knew he didnt want the child i had to do what was in my best interest as it was my body and id be the one to go through the ordeal and theres always that chance with every relationship that it wont work out so i told my partner that he could stand by me or not but i was going through with the pregnancy at first i thought he was going to end it but he ended up sticking by me but was unsupportive throughout me bringing up my son so i ended the relationship but to this day i dont regret having my son.my friend recently had an abortion as her partner didnt want the child and started saying how she had tricked him into getting her pregnant which wasnt the case so she terminated the pregnancy as she didnt want to loose her partner but they ended up splitting up because she couldnt forgive hima nd even after the abortion he was being wicked to her saying it was her fault and he never wants to have children with her shes taken the whole thing really badly and regrets not keeping the child.just remember what ever you decide you shouldnt let someone else influence your decision if your partner didnt want any more children he should have made sure he was safe no matter what.hope everything goes ok for you
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (11 March 2010):
 No way. If he cant accept his responsibilities then he’s not worth sticking with.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010): Everyone else's opinions about abortion are interesting but I get the feeling that you aren't here to hear that set of generalized opinions. You want to know about YOUR situation.
I think if you aren't completely opposed to abortion just on principle, then this is a good case to do it. A child was not planned, is not wanted by 50% of the parents, and the pregnancy has probably revealed serious problems in the relationship.
If you can't do an abortion on principle then that's your right. I don't envy the father's position, but you don't owe him an abortion unless you had previously indicated to him that you would handle an accidental pregnancy that way. (And in that case, I think you absolutely DO owe him an abortion if he was previously led to believe that would be your choice in this situation.)
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (11 March 2010):
Children are the center of your universe. Without them life has got no purpose and meaning.
If without children ,my life would be nothing .
How can a woman find fulfillment and contentment when she was created to bear children and this right is denied her.
Your partner may come and go but your children is always yours because they are from your blood and bones.
If you give up now, you may lose the chance of motherhood because the window of opportunity may not come your way again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010): Sweetheart, you have said this is the one thing you want more in the world, so I really do not think you should terminate, you have even said yourself that you would never forgive yourself, so I would have your baby, in fact no woman should terminate 'for' their boyfriend.
Explain to him you are not trying to trap him, and just because his feels that he ex did it too him, at the end of the day if he doesn't want babies he shouldn't be having sex without protection.
Take care
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010): No you should not compromise your desires to please him. even if you do abort there is no guarentee that he will be in your life next yesr, however you will live with yourself always. please, above all else, make decisions that will make you be able to face the woman in the mirror. it will be tough but it can be done. i have 7. i intended to have 2. i used birthcontrol but...
i dont regret a one of them. they add such value amd meaning to my life. to thine own self be true darlin, mal
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (11 March 2010):
 Sweetheart, don't do ANYTHING you don't want to do. Once its done, you can't go back. If you want this baby, then you should have it, regardless of what your boyfriend says. It sounds like you want this baby so much, and I can certainly understand being 33 and being afraid maybe pregnancy won't happen, so don't let this man talk you into anything you don't want to do. Many women raise children alone, you won't be the first, and many of these women do a fine job all on their own without the father, so don't let that scare you. Do what your heart wants sweetie. I let my husband talk me into terminating a pregnancy, and now 20 years later I STILL regret it. Think things over very carefully ok? If he can't deal with the pregnancy, that's HIS problem, not yours. I hope you can work things out, certainly talk to him, but don't let him sway you if you've got your heart set on having the baby. Good luck dear.
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