A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i have a bit of a dilemma, my new girlfriend has admitted to me that before we got together she was having sexual relations with a man who is engaged over the period of a few months. She shows no remorse for her actions, and i really think i should send an anonymous email to this bloke's fiance telling her about the situation, whats been going on and what kind of man she will be marrying. She has a right to know, but i don't want to be the person who upsets her (which she obviously will be). Any help on this sore subject greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): yes, just go ahead and rat your gf out. after all the other guys fiance needs to know what a sod he is. save her from making the bggest mistake of her life. if she goes ahead with her marriage then at least you know you did the right thing.
as for your gf - ditch her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): This is one of those situations where you and the "husband" are in a real situational bind.
The woman you're seeing now may in fact be attracted to attached men, and sees them as "safe". When that's the case, they feel they can never be trapped in a relationship with the other man, and can leave at any time.
This raises the question in your mind, if you in fact are her number 1, or if there is some other guy out there that she's seeing too.
Then there's the "wife" whom you want to know about it and then there's the "husband" who cheated on his fiance'/wife.
In short, you have a soap opera going on there.
Your best bet is to address your girlfriend and ask her bluntly if she's going to be going on any escapades anytime soon, and if so why.
As far as the "husband" and "wife", you are better off just leaving them alone. Part of the problem with this is that you want to force the husband to fess up to the "innocent" fiance'. But in reality it isn't going to work and it will end up with a great deal of resentment against you.
Your girlfriend will hate you for revealing something, however you found out about it. The "husband" will resent you for not minding your own business. And the "wife" will resent you, if she ever finds out about you, for being the bearer of bad news -- as in "why didn't you tell me earlier?
"
There's no winner here. Four people get hurt.
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A
male
reader, memyselfandi2  +, writes (22 August 2009):
Speak to the husband and tell him that if he doesn't tell his wife you will. I think that the wife would feel better hearing it from her husband than someone she doesn't really know.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): Hurting others won't help you feel better about the pain of you knowing your girl friend had other men.Just leave their relationship alone and focus on your own. You also don't know about their relationship, maybe they had a "open" relationship allowing them to be with others, there are many different kinds of relationships.More experience and many years in a relationship will help you understand more about cheating.Here is an example.... many girls/guys think oh yes i'm gonna grow up and get a mate, have the fairy tale wedding big house etc, be with mate forever. Then after many years of marriage the girl or guy gets bored but this was not in the fantasy when they were younger? Now they have kids they can't abandon, interests in other men/women. Do they stay in the marriage for the kids and have relations outside the marriage? Do they divorce and then get with someone who they want? If the mind wants others and if it's commited and loving someone else but has not been with them physically is that considered cheating? If there is such thing as divorce does that make marriage meaningless in the first place? etc. Alot to think about.
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (22 August 2009):
 I'd be more concerned about what sort of woman you are dating than what sort of man a complete stranger is marrying. Chances are, (we're talking huge, huge chances here), that he doesn't really want to get married in the first place. Women often pressure men into getting married before they're ready. If he did want get married, he wouldn't be potentially sabotaging his future by dipping his wick into other women. So...the situtation between him and his fiancee isn't your concern. Take care of your self first by acknowledging that it is actually your girlfriend who you're angry at because her actions have already told you that you and she have very different sets of moral values and probably aren't destined to stay together in the long run. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): i'm sure she knows that he is a cheater..you should dump your girlfriend..when a new model shows up she will dump you..is this the type of women you want to help rise your children???
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): I know what it's like.
I would probably do that.
I wuld also probably consider this current gf with a cheating past carefully... wouldnt want her to do it again...
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (22 August 2009):
 Do you even know the other guy and his fiancee?
I agree with rhythmandblues2, you are angry at your girlfriend and projecting your anger onto the engaged man. I suspect that the image you had of her has taken a severe hit and you want to lash out. But seriously, what good will that do? A relationship will be broken up and you'll still be with a woman who slept with an engaged guy. All you'll be doing is hurting another couple and perhaps indirectly setting free a guy to try and get back together with your girlfriend.
I really think you should mind your own business and worry about your own relationship.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (22 August 2009):
 Scratch that..not him but her (my bad)...yeah tell her. She will be crushed but you will be saving her a life of heartache in the long run and a marriage that begins on a lie.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (22 August 2009):
Well let me ask you this question poster. If you found out that your fiance was cheating on you before you were married and that you had a friend that new about it for awhile but did not lift a finger to let you know, how would you feel?Yeah I thought so.As a victim of cheating I may be biased, but I caught my fiance cheating on me 3 weeks before my wedding. She had nbeen doing it for months and my friends KNEW and no one ever told me because they "didnt want to get involved"Those arent frioends, they are cowards and pussies. Itdoes not matter how you do it, but you have a duty to do it.Sorry but the fact of life is that turning a blind eye to this is just as bad as being involved in it yourself.You know what you have to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): I think you are actually mad at your girlfriend for cheating with a married man, and you want to get back at him by telling his fiance and blowing his cover.
I would stay out of it, I don't think it is your responsibility to tell this woman you don't even know about her soon to be husband. I am sure it will come out sooner or later, and perhaps he won't do it again after he is married (but I wouldn't count on that).
You can't play God in people's lives, you can choose not to cover for them if asked, you can tell them to clean up their act....if you know the man, you can tell him that you know and ask him if this fiance of his deserves a cheating jerk like him for a husband.....if you really want to get back at him....
I would be more worried and concerned over the lack of moral character of your new girlfriend, she has already shown herself to be a cheater, yup she condones it.
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