A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend are going through a rough spell. We've dated for about 3 years. I'm a contractor and her house flooded. I did all the repairs, plus more since she's my girl. We'll I did everything but the floors and then found out that she has been on pills for several years.(before I met her) and i dont do pills. Anyway, she blew the 30 grand! I'm now broke with no work. So here's my question: I know that she had a threesome with her friend, April and her husbands brother! So should I tell all?
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female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (28 February 2009):
 Basically, you have one big issue stemming from her addiction to drugs. She has abused your trust, and in this case your trust of her managing your finances (or matters relating to what you have invested).
People addicted to drugs (or any negative addiction) tend to hide things to make sure that the addiction can continue. It is the addiction that is controlling her. She is not in control of the addiction.
Having said that, she is an adult, and should know better. You could approach her from that angle. That you have trusted her, but now both your lives are in jeopardy because:
(1) you are broke (in this economy, she merely contributed to it, jobs are not easy to get these days) because your "nest" i.e. savings could not be used to buffer the recession
(2) she has put herself in medical danger from the pills
(3) she has put you both in danger medically (her threesome could have been as a result of her addiction? impaired judgment?)
The fact that you had found out about the pills was by accident should be sufficient to prove that you did not "snoop" around to find her faults. And if then you did investigate what else she has done to abuse your trust, that should be justifiable.
Having said that, as Tazmay17 has pointed out to you, if you really love her true and true, you will be there for her when she is goes through hell overcoming her addiction. BUT, she will only change if it comes from WITHIN her. We only need to look at tabloids these days (or look around you) to hear and see that people succumb to their addiction even after numerous rehabs simply because they did not admit having a problem with addiction.
You will have drama. You may feel like exploding. You may feel like walking away for good. But if you and her are truly committed to each other, you will return and help each other. You may (or may not) know whether it her talking or the drugs that control her mind.
She needs medical help. She needs a support group. You can be there for her on this. Get both yourselves checked for STDs now.
Hope that helps. I'm sorry I sound a bit "cold" and clinical on this, but I just don't understand why people want to do drugs, but I do understand how mis-management of funds can be damaging to people.
Good luck, and I hope you will be able to find work soon.
Cat.
A
female
reader, tazmay17 +, writes (28 February 2009):
Should you tell on her?? Thats a question you have to answer yourself. But coming from me I feel that if she is addicted to pills and is abusing her addiction so bad that she blew 30 grand, then she probably needs help. she probably wont want help but as a friend you should confront her and try and help her with that!!! the threesome thing that would probably not be so wise, you dont want to get mixed up in some drama like that!!!! but her life could be in danger if she is addicted to pills!!! good luck on your decision!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): What 30 grand did she blow? Was it insurance money or something?If your going to tell anyone anything dont do it because your mad at her.This is other peoples lives that you are talking about.Oh what the hell am i saying if I was ripped off by a cheating pill popper id tell for sure.Go get your revenge
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