A
male
age
41-50,
*long
writes:My wife of six months was engaged to be married to another fellow about a year before she met me (2 yrs ago). From what I gather he was practically the perfect man except for his insatiable desire for women. Hence he was a cheater. The second time she caught him she threw her engagement ring at him and walked away from their apartment and never talked to him again although he tried like mad to contact her via phone calls, text messages and emails. After about a year she quit hearing from him. As our relationship evolved I knew she was healing from this break up and being the compassionate person I am I felt bad for the two of them because I could sense how deep their love for one another had been.Out of the blue I decided to google this past love for the heck of it. It turns out he died about the time he quit contacting her from a heart defect and at a very young age. I feel weird now for having done that and I feel weirder knowing that I have that information and she doesn't. My question: Should I tell her he is dead? Does that open a whole can of worms I don't want to deal with? Apparently she already has closure from this guy but strangely enough I am saddened by this news.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): i believe that your love for your wife (and her's for you) can withstand anything. Yes, tell her and maybe you can also help her deal with his death. She may have wondered why he stopped persuing her, and she may also believe that he stopped caring. The truth is, he died, perhaps still loving her. All her questions may be finally answered and after 2 years it just makes so much of sense.
She needs to know this in order to finally put this away to concentrate on her future with you. This will be her final closure, and a new beginning for you both, a better bond & a stronger marriage.
A
female
reader, speakk +, writes (2 April 2009):
 I believe if she brings him up or something brings up his name then you have to tell her. otherwise if you randomly tell her then she will question how you found out and then it will cause a major dramatic and chaotic argument for you both.
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