A
female
age
30-35,
*endall
writes:Im 17 years old and up until now i have never really dated a girl. Since i was about 11 or 12 i had tryed things with girls but never thought i could do it myself. My bestfriend now moved to my school and he was gay... i talked to him about my feelings and didnt think much about it well then my other really good friend came out that she was gay. I liked her alot and you could almost say i was in love... i was in a very long relationship with a guy when she told me she felt the same way about me... and i couldnt leave him for her, because i was too confused. Ive met a girl who is awesome and weve been together a little over 2 months and i really do love her and all of my family knows except for my moms dad and his wife. They are coming to see us from out of town and my girlfriend pretty much lives with me... they are very religous and im scared they will freak out... Should i tell them or just leave it alone? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunty t  +, writes (7 March 2007):
 I would advise you to leave it alone. What will you gain from telling them and if you feel that they will freak out then they probably will. You dont see them very often and it may cause an unwanted rift in the family. Im not saying by any means that you should hide your sexuality but the people who are close to you know you and love you for who you are and are obviously very happy for you. Maybe you could drop a little hint and see how they react and if they start to get upset I would leave well alone.
A
female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (7 March 2007):
Things sounds like they are going well with you and you sound pretty happy with your new girlfriend.
I would just be open about it. No need to make a momentous occasion "grandad, I'm gay". Just say: "this is my partner X" and move on. Don't wait for or expect a reaction, just expect it to be normal.
Then let them be the ones to start to complain. If your mom's dad takes you aside and starts lecturing you about it, just say something like: "I'm sorry that you have a problem with this, but I don't have a problem. I am very happy and I wish you would be happy. If you need some help dealing with your feelings, I expect you can get some counselling."
And then walk away. Always remember that you are NOT the one with the problem. If they have a problem, you can be kind and help them with it! That will be unexpected for them and gives you a good strong position.
Religion is a licence for people to be bigoted without any justification. If they do say anything like: you're going to hell, or this is against god, etc, these are the arguments against this: (i) you don't believe in god (ii) even if god does exist, then it is not at all clear that the bible is his word, there being no historical evidence of this (iii) even if the bible is his word, the bible is not at all clear about whether homosexuality is wrong - the stories are in the context of men not raping other men, although they seem to think it is okay for those same men to rape women instead (iv) there are lots of things in the bible that people do not follow indeed that a patently ridiculous and so who has the authority to decide which bits of "god's word" should be followed and which bits shouldn't be, and how do we know this person got it right?
If they are very religious they won't like any of this, but it'll get them off your backs if they really start going at it.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (5 March 2007):
 What do your parents think? I don't think there's necessarily any merit in rocking the boat with your relatives. After all you'll still be gay whether you tell them or not and if it will really upset them that much then maybe it's best to keep it to yourself but honestly, speak to the people who know them best and make your decision based on that. I don't think you should deny who you are, I just don't think that rocking the boat is always the best thing. Good luck whatever you decide to do.
CD
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