A
female
age
36-40,
*_maldita
writes:ive been thinking of it for quite sometime now... ive been with my partner for 9 long years but have not decided to ger married yet... well he did ask me once 5yrs ago but i told him im not ready yet since then we havent talked about it again... our relationship is stronger than ever but i was wondering should i be the one to tell him im ready or should i just wait???? i dont want to look like a fool asking him to marry me scared he might say his not ready... what should i do?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, a_maldita +, writes (26 September 2013):
a_maldita is verified as being by the original poster of the question When he gets back from his trip I will talk to him about how I feel but wont literally ask him to marry me... instead ill open up the marriage thing topic hope he wont avoid it nor dont comment on it... his silence scares me more each day!!!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (26 September 2013):
 If you are scared to talk to him, you could write him a letter explaining your feelings. Then he'd know where you stand. I'm still worried for you that you two have been together for 9 years and haven't worked out how to talk about big life stuff. Time to practice, don't you think? Be brave.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2013): I suggest you say something more along the lines of "I hope you ask me to marry you again". or... "If you asked me to marry you again, you'd get a totally different answer" or ..."When you're ready, I'd like you to ask me to marry you again". I suggest you still let him ask you...just prompt him and encourage him.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (26 September 2013):
 honestly, if i got shot down when i proposed, i'd be really scared to ask again, as well. so absolutely he's afraid of asking a second time. if you don't wish to flat out tell him you're ready to get married now, you can drop pretty clear hints. you could mention things about friends getting married and how you can't wait for that one day, or buy magazines with wedding stuff in it and leave it laying around, or you could point out in passing which engagement rings you think are beautiful. things like that. there are ways to drop hints that you are ready without flat out telling him you are. but it's going to take a lot of courage for him to ask you again. i'm sure he's very afraid of rejection for the second time. i know i would be. so it's your job to pave the way and make him feel at ease. make sure he absolutely knows this time, without a doubt, he would NOT be rejected.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, a_maldita +, writes (26 September 2013):
a_maldita is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust this morning I spoke with some of his friends since his out on a trip.. I ask if his ever talking to them about getting married and they said often mention about setling down but his scared I might refuse again... Felt happy upon hearing such but dont know how to ask him or if I should ask him... I know its a bit scary I might not get a possitive response and I just might as well break down... But upon reading your responses I guess its really time to be brave and ask him rather than wait another 5 years.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 September 2013):
You've let this go on for FOUR years without ever talking about it? Wow.
Tell him it's time to start to talk about the future again. And if you two have this much trouble communicating then maybe you could both read the same self-help book so you can at least have a start.
You say you don't want to look like a fool. Do you think he felt like a fool five years ago?
Someone in this relationship needs to be brave again, it may as well be you. Put on the brave woman panties and go make it happen.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 September 2013):
 GROW A PAIR and tell him! What the hell are you waiting for??? He risked humiliation in front of his entire family. If you're ready, then get over yourself and fricken TELL HIM!
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A
female
reader, a_maldita +, writes (26 September 2013):
a_maldita is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe ask me to marry him during my birthday when all my family was there... It was indeed a surprise when he as me because he was sayin his birthday wish and right after he ask me to marry him in front of everyone. I didnt what to say by that time I was so young and Im not sure if Im ready. I told him that Im not ready yet but one thing is for sure I will marry him but not this time. Well he said its ok but I knew how hurt he was. If friends ask when do we plan to get married he is just quiet and looks at me. Im not sure if his ok or still hurting and im afraid to bring this up to him..
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 September 2013):
9 years? Yes, if he asked you a few years ago and you said you weren't ready, then the ball *is* in your court.
He took the risk of asking you, and you should return the favor. If you're ready, tell him! Don't be cruel and hope he asks again if you are.
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A
male
reader, GentleGiant  +, writes (25 September 2013):
Well lets start the topic way back five years ago when he asked you to marry him. Did he get down on one knee and make the formal request? Or was it one of those cuddle nights on the coach or in the bedroom when he asked? This is important because if he did it formally and was rejected there is a good chance that bringing up the topic of marriage now may bring you a surprise response of i do not think we need to do this or he might just shrug it off. I know in my relationship of four years with my girlfriend we talk of how and where we want our relationship to go. And it appears as the years go by we talk a lot more about us and the next step we might want to go in our relationship. We both are committed to each other and only each other. We do almost everything that a married couple do except yes we don't have any children yet. I can only ask if you have not talked this way at all or had those moments when you were at a friends wedding or social gathering where marriage was present. I know i would of been talking about marriage and after the day both me and my girlfriend would of been talking about it. I find it hard to believe that for five years he has not said a word. Hard to believe in deed. This leads me to believe that he isn't really interested and i don't know how committed he is in your relationship. Only you know that in deed. You should of maybe handled the proposal different and said not now but in the next year or two i would be more than happy to get married. I just have to say that i know my girlfriend wants to get married because we have been grooming our relationship for that next part of our relationship. I would say that in the last year and a half we have talked about it daily some weeks but other times it was monthly. If your relationship is stronger good for you but what you think is good may not be good. Couples always talk about the next phase of their relationship and since you have not talked about it all i hope what you say is true. I have learned one thing from my mom who is a Psychologist and marriage counselor. She says, communicate,communicate and communicate. Verbalize your feelings and be open with your girlfriend or partner. And last but not least be a good listener. There is nothing wrong with communication but there comes a time when you have to shut up and listen to what your boyfriend or partner is trying to say This too is very very important.Good luck i would be interested in knowing if any of what i said could or does pertain to you. Good-luck.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (25 September 2013):
 a-maldita,
"Love makes fools of us all", you should be willing to take this small risk. You need not ask him to marry you, that would generally be his place. On the other hand, since you closed the marriage discussion years ago, it is appropriate for you to reopen it.
FA
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