A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,i am a 8 month old pregnant female and with my partner for 3 years now.We have been on and off in the three years.But i have really hurt him throughout the three years.And it is all coming back to me now.Firstly,we got together while i was waiting for my boyfriend to come over from over seas.I was having a long distance relationship for 8 months already when my self and my partner started as i was already beginning to loose hope with my long distance relationship.When my long distance boyfriend came over after a year he got refused into the country by immigration.And then my long distance boyfriend and myseld ended things.I then continued to see my current partner.And while out one night, he caught me kissing another man.He forgave me and we continued to see each other.We then broke up.And 2 months later i started seeing a guy which was in our friendship circle.Which i previously went out with 10 years ago for 2 years.We were seeing each other for like 2months.We broke up.And one night after that i made a huge mistake.I slept with my current partner's close friend.A month later, i started seeing my partner again and fell pregnant.We decided to try and work things out.We are living together now and he still doesn't know that i slept with one of his closest friends.Another thing is that somehow everyone knows about me and his close friend besides him.And my close friends are telling me that i should tell him because it's wrong.I am feeling really really guilty.I feel like telling him.But i know it will destroy him.It will destroy everything if i tell him.Should i tell him that i slept with his close friend while we were broken up? I know it will cost us our relationship and his friendship.I dont know what to do.Should i wait till baby is born and then tell him? I have 7 weeks left.
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (12 March 2008):
 I have to say I completely agree with Paladin, if your so called friend can tell her boyfriend and he wants to tell your partner then you can only hope he doesn't, if it does come out then you can be honest and tell him it happened when you were apart and you know without doubt that the baby is his and if he wishes to believe his meddling friends then that is his choice.
I think you have been beating yourself up about this for far too long and it is time to put it to bed so to speak.
Concentrate on you and your baby and conserve your energy and get plenty of rest, all this stress is not good for you or your baby.
You are a strong woman and never forget that. You can do this with or without your partner, believe me there are so many women who have to. I am not saying that you should but if it did all come out through no fault of your own, remember you can do it for yourself and your baby so never be afraid to stand strong OK.
Take care and bfn, keep smiling eh!
BFN
country Woman
A
male
reader, Paladin  +, writes (12 March 2008):
 I am so happy to hear you have worked this out in your own mind because that is what is most important right now. Regarding your so called friends, this also may be a blessing. Through this you have found who your real are. You stated that your best riend is not speaking to you, clearly she is not your best friend. For her to share something you told her in confidence is just pathetic and she is not worthy of your friendhip. As far as being angry with people, don't waste you time or your energy. You have a new baby on the way and that will consume most if not all of your time anyway. As long as your partner is the father of this baby that should be all he should care about. Best of luck and keep smiling.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice. It has helped me a lot to clear my mind and concentrate on my baby for now. Because that is whats most important right now. It's been repeated in all your replies that i should not tell my partner. It is a huge relieve to confirm that this is the best option. Because i know it will totally destroy things. My friends are more worried than i am and they think that it is wrong that every one knows besides my partner and they are worried what will happen if the truth must come out. That this is all going to come back to me. And i don't think they realise how anxious this is all making me. And that it's not the right time. They think that my partner looks like the fool. All they doing is just creating guilt to build up inside of me and that is exactly what has been going on. Myself and my best friend are currently not speaking. Im upset with her because when i spoke to her about this the other day, she went and told her boyfriend who is long time friends with my partner. And her boyfriend wanted to tell my partner. I am so angry with all these people. But your answer's has helped me ease my mind. Thank you very much.To answer your question about who the baby's father is. I have spoken to my mid wife about this and i told her the exact dates that it happened and she worked it all out and reassurred me that it is definately my current partner's baby. So thank you all once again. It's sometimes good to get and outside opinion.
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A
male
reader, Paladin +, writes (11 March 2008):
Slow done lady. It's so easy for people to judge one another isn't it. Did you make mistakes, perhaps but if you had separated from your current partner I would suspect he would imagine you may have had another relationship while you were apart. The major concern here is not what happened but who actually is the father. You must know timelines can be off and while you haven't gone so far as to bring up the question of who the father is I suspect that is what is really bothering you. Since there is nothing you can do about it now I suggest you simply hold off saying anything until after the child is born. If your lucky the child will be a carbon copy of either you or your current partner and you may feel comfortable in leaving the entire situation alone. Of course if you are not sure you can always have tests done and if you are convinced your current partner is not the father diclose it all then. Clearly if your current partner is not the father you should tell him. If he is the father I suggest you never tell him unless one of your so called friends discloses it to him. Keep in mind he may have already been told and has elected to simply let it go as he may have had is flings while you were apart as well. For some strange reason some people feel the wierd urge to disclose all of their sexual past which in my opinion is unnessary. I know some guys as well as women are curious but what good purpose is there to discuss the past. conversation such as these have a way of getting out of control and the next thing you know people are comparing way too many things. Maybe I am not typical but I really don't care about who the women I meet have slept with in the past. As long as they are clean, healty and committed to our relationship. All that should matter is the feelings you have for the person you are with and your future happiness. Very few people if any don't have a couple of little dark secrets tucked away. Hopefully yours can be one of them. Stop beating yourself up over something you have no longer have control over. I truly hope you enjoy the remainder of your pregnancy and have a great delivery and healthy baby. If he truly loves you this will work itself out.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (10 March 2008):
Sweetheart you are vunerable right now and you were in a confused state when you slept with his best mate (I do agree with Collaroy though, it does take two to tango and he knew what he was doing as well).
I know what you are thinking, could the baby be the best mate's or your partners, dates can sometimes be off, wait until your baby is born as I think you need to conserve your strength right now.
Tell your friend's that if they are friends that you will wait until after the baby is born to see how the land lies and start to think about what you want out of life.
Seems to me that your partner and yourself have had a rocky life so far and it could be rocky still so concentrate on keeping yourself fit and healthy.
If the truth comes out then it would be from a malicious person, what has this best friend said about it all, is he hiding his head or trying to forget it happened. He must be wondering about the baby I would think?
Believe me you will be busy enough after the baby is born so get yourself ready for that bundle of joy and don't stress out over something you cannot change right now.
I think you will suddenly become a lot older emotionally once you are holding your baby in your arms.
Take care and best of luck.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (10 March 2008):
 Hi,
Well I wouldnt say anything to him when you are at your most vulnerable.
I dont know what to suggest to tell the honest truth, as you have some big self esteem issues which leads you to seek comfort through sex. have these gone away for good, what's to think you and your partner won't break up in future and you will go off with someone else again.
I'm only saying this because I dont think your problems relate entirely to sleeping with your partners best friend ( who by the way could have said no you are my best mate's girlfriend so it takes two to tango) .
Telling him that you slept with his best friend is not the best way to start a family life together is it? If you think it will destroy him what is the point in telling him?
In your case I would stay mum for now, why upset the applecart, have your baby and start a new life together .
good luck.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (10 March 2008):
Hi,
Well I wouldnt say anything to him when you are at your most vulnerable.
I dont know what to suggest to tell the honest truth, as you have some big self esteem issues which leads you to seek comfort through sex. have these gone away for good, what's to think you and your partner won't break up in future and you will go off with someone else again.
I'm only saying this because I dont think your problems relate entirely to sleeping with your partners best friend ( who by the way could have said no you are my best mate's girlfriend so it takes two to tango) .
Telling him that you slept with his best friend is not the best way to start a family life together is it? If you think it will destroy him what is the point in telling him?
In your case I would stay mum for now, why upset the applecart, have your baby and start a new life together .
good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): i think you should wait and tell him after the babys born that fight may cause you to go into labor and its not going to be good for the baby so please wait and as or your relationship he deserves to know but you 2 were broken up but hes best friend that is messed up but your just going to have to take it how it comes and see
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