A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Last night, I was at a festival with my dad, 2 sisters and some friends. everything was going fine apart from having a few stomach cramps but i noticed something. My dad had his arm around a woman other than my mum. I knew the woman to be a nun who has been looking after my sisters. At the time I wasnt feeling well so I sat down and thought about what I saw. I thought about how it could just be a misunderstanding as she is a good family friend especialy with my sisters and it was just friendly but aftyer half an hour I went back over and found my dad with his hand in her back pocket and her hand clutching his ass. I dont know what to think. I lost it and ran away and hid.I love my dad and I love my mum. I know my mum is hard to live with. She just dosent interact with people properly and is on heavy antidepressants along with a lot of medication for arthritus. Last year I had gone through my first relationship and it really brought me down, I was recovering, being bullied every day, failed school and felt like nothing. My dad was the only person there for me but then late last year, He was diagnosed with cancer followed by his father dying a day later. I was by his side every day when he was in hospital. My mum took it hard as the thought of losing him was too much. He recovered well and this year was supost to be different. I feel betraid. When he found me crying last night, he knew what I saw and quickly denied it stating she a close friend, that shes heavily religious and him being athiest. Saying His first priority was me and my sisters and told me I cant tell anyone otherwise he'll will break lose. I saw him with his hand on her ass though and my mum deserves to know. She has no clue what so ever and is trying to be a better person but if she found out she wouldnt be able to take it. I dont know what to do. He said to me before something like its obvious who I would chose if it did split. Getting my sisters to spend a lot of time with this nun to build a relationship. Setting up the trust for us kids so that my mum cant take the money away from me and my sisters and in the end him. I know that he has tried hard with my mum and they have been together for over 34 years but I dont understand. He bought my mum an ipad yet if he didnt love her then he wouldnt do that and he acts as if nothings hapined. What do I do? If I do anything it will break the family and kill my mum but its killing me.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 February 2012):
 No do not tell your mum... it's really NOT your place.
I know kids want to help their parents but kids do not always get the dynamic or the private things that go on between their parents.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (6 February 2012):
Well this may be completely different than what you're expecting and others may disagree, but as someone whose parents split up recently over infidelity--you should stay out of it as much as possible.
I know it hurts. And what your dad did to your mom feels like a total betrayal. It feels like he's not only betraying her but you and your sisters as well. You feel compelled to take a side because you know what he did was wrong. But in the end, it's your parents' relationship (which of course affects you) but you sometimes have to stay out of it. I tried to get into the matter with my parents and it just made things worse and I felt even more torn.
I think you should talk to your dad about it and convince him to tell your mom. But I don't think you should blackmail him about it. Let him know that holding this secret is essentially him having you lie to your mother. Ask him how he would feel if your mother was doing the same thing and you withheld the information from him and how this is making you feel hiding it from your mom. You're not dumb and it was obvious what was going on. Only you can decide what you're going to do--but take some time and decide what you want to do--when you're not acting on pure emotion. Either way you're going to be hurt, but I would advise talking to your dad first without being threatening or anything of that nature.
Also, if you do end up telling your mom. Don't feel like it's your fault if they end up getting a divorce. It was your father doing the wrong thing and he got caught. He was being stupid and unfortunately got caught by his own child. So don't feel like you're doing anything wrong.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (6 February 2012):
Hi there. You say your father knows what you saw but denied there is anything going on.
The next time you are all out somewhere, keep a close eye on him the whole time without it being terribly obvious, just to see what else he does in public with this woman.
You might have to say to him that you have been observing him and his acions and that you do not like what you see.
Then say to him that if he doesn't stop, you will definitely tell your mother.
Then you are making him accountable for his actions.
At the moment that isn't happening. So he thinks that what he is doing is quite okay.
And by mentioning that you intend telling your mother if it continues, he then has to make some decisions.
He won't like it, but it's affecting you negatively, and he needs to realize the impact he is having.
Have you told your sisters yet?
And if so, what did they say about it?
If you haven't already told them, perhaps you should. They ought to know what their father is up to, they have a right to know the truth.
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