A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i'm meeting this guy tomorrow, we met one night out and now we've arranged to meet again in a club/bar because then it's more of a relaxed environment and we'll be out with our friends making it less awkward and meaning we don't have to stay together the whole time.I'm okay with this, because it works better for me and calms my nerves of going on a one on one date with someone I don't know at all. But the thing is, i've just realised the girls in that club are model gorgeous! I'm pretty, but not like those girls and he'll probably see them and rather wish he was with them and not so much me. I am insecure, as you can tell.. But i don't know how to calm my nerves, i've never met a guy who has made me worry so much!I can't stop thinking of all the what if's!! Such as, what if it goes wrong and he doesn't like me after knowing me properly, what if he doesn't think i'm as attractive as he thought, what if he sees another girl who he'd rather be with, what if i end up liking him and he doesn't like me..I know it's not a date, just something casual with us seeing each other again and getting to hang out and know each other maybe. But still doesn't change that i like him and this could lead somewhere if it all goes well. But the annoying what ifs and my low insecurities and self esteem keep getting in the way, i'm worried it'll ruin it!? Am i being silly thinking he will see those girls and be more interested in them than me!??
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (6 February 2012):
 What if it does go wrong? What if he does end up liking someone else, or you get attached and he doesn't? Well, life goes on. You'll survive it.
But I think you're seriously overestimating the chances of that happening. Don't get me wrong, it's a possibility, but not a huge one, for two reasons.
First, he already knows you. The process of meeting a new girl, getting to know her, and then getting her home is a tough one prone to failure at numerous points. Doubly so if the girl is really hot and knows it, triply so if she *thinks* she's hotter than she really is. It's a lot of effort with a fairly low chance of paying off. On a practical level, it's easier to stay with you than to find a new girl.
Second, you have 50% control of the situation. You can be interesting, and interested in him. You can go out looking your best and enjoy the chance to dress up and have fun. You can talk to him. I'll let you in on something a lot of girls don't seem to understand - you can become more attractive to a particular guy by paying attention to him and being interested in him. Weird, but true. A nice rack might draw his eye for a few moments, but making him feel like a stud will hold his attention all night.
So, be interested in him. Laugh at his jokes. Touch him lightly on the arm, play with your hair, smile and make eye contact. Prepare one or two quick, interesting stories about your own life that he might be able to relate to. Listen with interest to his stories. Stand just a few inches closer to him than what would normally be considered personal space. Buy the second round of drinks. Once you're comfortable with him, separate a little from your friends so you two can be a little more alone. Don't let your insecurities make any decisions (though it can be endearing if you let him know you're just a bit nervous - *once* at most during the night).
That'll give you your best shot. If he doesn't go for it, well, that happens sometimes. But you can't win if you don't play, and play your best even in the face of tough competition. Go have a good time, and in the off chance it doesn't work out, pat yourself on the back for having the guts to try.
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