| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid, Im in a bit of very hot water.I'm a closet gay, and I am involved secretley,with my man that ha been reassigned to take a project up in another state, no one knows as I pass off as the boy next door that attracts all the lovely girls, and they are attracted to me, and hint they want relationships with me.I have a very good friend of mine a woman, and we've become very close, and I know that before she used to like me alot, but I went overseas, she went out with another guy and we drifted apart, last year we got our friendship together again, she got out of that relationship as she wasn't happy, and I've supported her and been by herside, as a good friend, but always knew that she still had those feelings for me. Now we text everyday as friends and I can see that her feeling for me are there, I've mentioned that i'm not looking for relationships yet as I feel thatIm not ready, and when the time is right I'll find the special "GIRL". So she knows that we're friends. She is very open with me, we tell each other everything, but I've kept this away from her, because shes at a point where she's doubting men, saying they're all the same, and theres very few good guy out there like me, so she is still hurt from her previous relationship.There are time where I feel like telling her that I'm gay and I've meet the most amazing guy and we want to start our lives together.However,I'm afraid to tell her, and its a point where i don't want to tell her so that she doesn't loose hope on guys because of me, especially if she knows about me, and has feelings for me, and realises that we can't be together as a couple.There are days I feel like telling someone, but not even my family know, as we are not emotionally close to one another, I've always been the ladies man, where I flirt and hug, but in a friendly manner not wanting any relationships. There have been days where i feel angry wondering why Im like this because I have all the beautiful ladies that get interested but Im not attracted to them at all in a physical nor emotional way.I want to tell her, but i don't want her to loose hope on other guys because shes been hurt and i dont want t hurt her, and I don't want to lead her on, and I know that she'll look at me in different way, if not hate me. and in a way be disappointed or disgusted with me, I DONT KNOW. I don't wnat to hurt her, but want to be open with her.I basically tell her everything except for this secret that I've covered for so long.Should I keep quite, and be the supportive buddy that I am?Please help.
View related questions:
flirt, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2006): As it stands, once she finds out about you (and she will) her perspective on men will be not only that they are secretly gay, but also LIARS. If your aim is to save her faith in mankind, the onus is on you to be honest. It's always scary to come out to someone, especially if you fear losing a deep connection, but if your friendship is so very profound, she will likely reorganize her opinions of gay people for you (if she bears us homos any malice to start with!).
Perhaps the only thing you should tastefully avoid is boasting very much about your own private true looooooooooove (which is great for you, by the way). Recognize that there is a difference between telling her a basic truth about yourself, which will dispel some false hopes on her part, and rubbing her nose in the fact that YOUR love life couldn't be better. I suspect the larger problem here is that you'd rather not tell her that you're in a loving, committed relationship - being gay is just a good excuse to keep it from her.
So tell her now, because she'll likely find out later and be even more hurt that you wouldn't confide in her. And then she'll question whether she can even have platonic relationships with men.
A
reader, Ellen +, writes (21 January 2006):
i say tell her.
...............................
|
