A
male
age
51-59,
*onk
writes:HiI have been in a loving relationship for the past year. We have a great sex life, the thing is, I use viagra because it helps me to perform (I am 39 now and well enough said). I have never told my girlfriend that I use viagra and I am wanting to tell her. I am really worried if I should do this as I am scared about how she will react? I dont want to lose her but at the same time, I want to be open with her and feel I have been lying by not telling her. Should I tell her? And, what is the best way to do it??
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female
reader, feelingliedto +, writes (20 May 2014):
I see you said a couple of days after your post that she's since found out and it's over. I think you should have made the decision together to experiment with the stuff instead of keeping part of yours and her sex life a big secret. To the woman, you having this raging erection for her is a turn on because she thinks you're so turned on and horny for her. To then find out that it was only a chemical in a pill that made it and not your mind, not your body responding to her, that would be a kick to her. What she thought was a great sex life turned out to be nothing but a lie, a deception. Pretty hard to deal with. You aught to have been totally honest from the beginning and told her why you wanted to take that shit so she could understand, know and then accept.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 June 2011):
 yeah tell her. don't be surprised if she doesn't much care that you use it...
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A
male
reader, jonk +, writes (16 June 2011):
jonk is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd thanks also for pointing out the medical dangers, I hadnt really considered those.
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A
male
reader, jonk +, writes (16 June 2011):
jonk is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your wonderful advice. I think you all hit the nail on the head and maybe I should try without it again. I agree now with the first response about our relationship not being based on love because it is (was) laking in trust, honesty, respect. She since found out I had not been completely honest and was really shocked. Its over and I need to re-evaluate my values.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2011): Loving relationship thats what you really think your in your living a lie pretending that isnt even a relationship as to have a relationship there has to be trust,honesty respect etc and you seem to be lacking in this area,i was deceived in the same way and i felt even less attractive knowing it was viagra who was getting him hard not me
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): You should tell her
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 June 2011):
 Like several other posters have mentioned, if something terrible happens and your girlfriend is asked what you're taking, they could give you something that would interact. My understanding is that this interacts with quite a few other drugs. From a purely medical standpoint, she should know.
I say maybe try without for awhile if you can. At 39 you are still very young. Unless you have health problems, you should be able to get an erection without medication. Viagra can be dangerous, so it's probably not a good idea to be taking them unless you really need them. If you're having trouble and have ruled out physical problems, then you may want to explore psychological problems to figure out if that's the cause.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): It wouldn't bother me in the slightest - and I'd want to know just for the medical side of things. It is not an uncommon issue and sometimes a loving and understanding partner can be the 'cure'!
If your heart says to be honest and open, then you should. Just make sure she knows you find her as sexy as hell!
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (14 June 2011):
 After being together for a year, I don't think you should worry about her leaving you. I am sure that she loves you more than just sex. Physical relationship don't last, and for woman, we're different than guys, we want it all, specially the partner, friend, understanding, sweet, caring, kind boyfriend. See, we're a pain and we need it all that... LOL..
Don't worry too much, I am sure she'll understand you and it won't change anything at all. Wait for the right time, when both of you are having a relaxing, fun time and nicely tell her that there's something that has been bothering you and that you kept from her because you didn't know how you will react. Tell her that you love her, that you're happy how the relationship is going and the only reason why you didn't tell her from the beginning is that you felt a little insecure and uncertain of her reaction and you didn't want to loose her.
Don't worry... Like cindycares asked you: pardon me, but are you sure? You're a very young man.. 39 is very young...
Good luck and wish you happiness in your relationship
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 I'd tell her for the simple reason that s**t happens and if for any now unfathomable reason you could not refill your prescription, your chemist should run out of the stuff, or you'd develop health conditions preventing you from taking Viagra anymore .... well, by now she is used to a certain type and level of performance , and if that would disappear all of a sudden, I guess you'd have some explaining to do anyway.
But, pardon the curiosity, you are ONLY 39, not exactly over the hill sexually - are you sure you NEED Viagra already to perform adequately ?
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (14 June 2011):
if you dont have to tell her dont do
it is not a big deal BTW,
you are very young to use these medications unless you have some health issues i am 35 and healthier than when i was 25
Good Luck
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