A
female
age
30-35,
*owder
writes:pls i need ur help. i was disvirgined by a married man and we both find it hard to leave each other. but i know one day i will have to go and settle down since he is settled down. we had sex a couple of times. i am worried about my future becos i am confusing whether to tell my future husband my past. pls help me out cos i don't know wat to tell him. thank a lot.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2011): I'm sorry but if your husband wants to get "hung up" on your past then he has the right to feel that way. Nobody else has the right to decide what he should care about or what he should not.
For those people who say it's not his business - do you live in a world without STDs (not all of which can be screened in a test)? Do you live in a world without emotions being attached to sex? Deception may be very convenient but that does not make it right.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2011): Don't lie, but if asked then politely decline to answer.
Too many men get hung up on a woman's past, whether that past is robust or limited. It's none of his business anyway.
I recommend you extricate yourself from this relationship soon. It may feel good for a while, but it comes with a price. You're already worried about what a future boyfriend will think of you. While you and this married man are sneaking about what you have isn't authentic.
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (22 May 2011):
 Well, if he asks about it, the choice comes down to either refusing to talk about it, lying, or telling the truth.
If you refuse to talk about it, I guarantee his imagination will come up with something worse than the truth. This goes double if you claim "the past is the past" or "the past is none of your business." Not a good option.
If you lie about it, you'll have to deal with that guilt, on top of the already-present guilt for sleeping with a married man, and even if he doesn't find out, the relationship will be partially based on a lie. Not a good option.
If you tell the truth, he may leave you, unless he thinks you regret the decision and will now fanatically avoid any kind of involvement in cheating. So, the truth may cost you a relationship, but if it doesn't, you have a guy who will really accept you for who you are and what you've done. Not a perfect option, but the best one of the three. I'd say go with honesty.
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