A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:so how do i help my best friend. he is 21 (just) and has been going out with a girl (now 27) for 10 months. though he now stays at her house every night (for last 4 months). 3 months ago he told me she does not like me as we have always been close friends (she has never actually met me)though i am older and gay. anyway she insists that he makes her pregnant "if he loves her he would", she already has an 8 year old. my friend has always told me that he wants a family and kids, but just not right now. so he used a condom and she was on the pill. they have had a number fights over this, then he told me last week she is pregnant, as a few times after a couple of drinks he did not use a condom she said it was ok as she was on the pill. now the pill may only work 99% of the time so it is possible it was an accident but given the comments already made i believe she has manipulated him. he says it is not important how it happened but he is happy that he will be a dad. i believe it is important, and him being only 21 and unemployed is going to make life difficult (he was talking about going away to university next year now that will not happen). not sure what to say or do if anything, he would never leave his own child, and would put up with a lot to stay in his own child's life. do i say anything and if so what.
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best friend, condom, the pill, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (22 May 2007):
 If he asks you directly, tell him what you think. If he does not ask directly, keep your opinion to yourself. Stay out of the situation as much as possible. It is not your problem to deal with. Just make sure you do not get suckered in like he did.(Assuming that is what happened)
-FBK
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (21 May 2007):
 No, don't say anything. Your friend has the right attitude. It doesn't matter how she got pregnant now, all that matters is that in nine months there will be a baby who didn't ask to be born, but deserves united parents. If she did trick him into getting her pregnant then that's sad, but it's happened now and if you say too much you'll find that you come off as the bad guy, not her.
CD
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A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (21 May 2007):
 There's nothing that you can say that will help the situation. He needed to stand up for himself, even if the end result was him being alone. She seems like she's trying to trap him in a relationship by making him have kids. If he's unemployed, and she knows it, her first instincts as a mother would have told her to wait. It doesn't seem like it's really the baby that she wants.
DV1
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