A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey i just found out im pregnant this morning i took 2 tests and both came out positive im so upset nd scared of wot my parents will say but i dont even know how 2 tell him, i tried after i found out on the fone but i started crying nd hung up, how can i tell him without scaring him away??? Reply to this Question
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If I'm pregnant, should I tell him? |
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (21 May 2007):
 Hi there anonymous,
I think you should check out this website: http://www.momdadimpregnant.com/ I think it would be very helpful for you to read so that you can find out what you might expect from your boyfriend and parents.
Obviously this is going to shock your boyfriend and parents, so they're going to need a time to freak out (just like you are doing right now). But just because they may yell or act angry or disappointed does not mean that they will leave you on your own with this (at least, that's true about your parents). After they come to terms with what is going on, they will most likely want to be there and support you, no matter what you decision would be.
Don't forget that there are options! Remember that if you decide to have the baby, you can still let another couple adopt him/her. There are a lot of loving couples out there who have fertility problems, etc that would absolutely love to adopt your baby. If you decide to keep the baby yourself, you need to discuss what this would involve - financial situtations, who would help you raise the baby, etc. There is also the option of having an abortion - I would speak with your doctor about this. Make sure to write all of your questions down and ask everything and anything you can think of! This is probably one of the most important decisions you will have to make in your life and you want to have all of your questions answered.
Regardless of what decision you will make, things will be fine. Sure, there are rocky roads ahead, but you will be okay and you will have the support that you need from your family.
I also suggest that if you're too afraid to break it to your parents first, perhaps you might want to talk to another adult who is close with you - an aunt or best friend's mother... Maybe this person can help you break the news to your parents.
I hope that we are able to help you and that you get the answers you are looking for. And please write back if you would like to talk about this more with us.
Take care.
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (21 May 2007):
 You can't stop him from freaking out and running away. After all I'm guessing that if you could run away from this situation you would right? All you can do is tell him and ask him to help you make the decision about what to do next. He might be upset and he might run initially but ultimately he'll come to terms with the fact that this baby is half his responsibility.
CD
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (21 May 2007):
 For the sake of your baby, you need to sort through your emotions. It's not just about your fears anymore. You have a big responsibility coming your way. At this point, you have no choice but to tell him. You're probably doing more emotional damage to him by making him play the wait and wonder game. For all you know right now, he may be thinking that you cheated on him, which could make it more difficult in getting him to listen. You need to accept responsibility, look him in the eyes, and be honest with him. The natural reaction from your parents is for them to be angry at first. You need to understand that their reaction will be out of love and disappointment, and not truly anger. A good parent will step up to the plate and help you make a plan. Pregnancy tests can be wrong, so check with your local doctor. I would also check out a place like Planned Parenthood.
Best wishes,
DV1
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A
female
reader, shantel +, writes (21 May 2007):
I think you should tell him that you have something very important to say.take your time and tell him that you have just found out that you are pregnant and you hope he will stand bye you throw it all.and that you love him.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (21 May 2007):
 Sweetheart there is no easy way to say this to anyone, your bf or your parents.
The longer you leave it though the harder it will be.
I would say that telling him over the phone is probably not the best way to tell him as you will never see his reaction. He may be really shocked as this does not sound as though you were planning this pregnancy.
What I would say is please just don't rush any decision at all over this and certainly talk to your parents, no matter how upset and angry they are - you are their daughter and they will only be interested in your best interests.
They may well be really angry with your bf so don't be surprised at that.
You do need to get this confirmed by your doctor though as home pregnancy tests are normally between 90 - 99% accurate but having your own doctor take a urine sample and getting it checked is normally much better.
Don't be on your own with this though, if you have any other siblings, perhaps talk to them if you are close or a very close friend as you need all the support you can get right now. Don't tell the friends who are just gossip mongers as you need your bf and parents to know first.
Your bf will be wondering what on earth is wrong once you phoned him and hung up so he may well ask to see you tonight in any case as he is in the dark in all of this at the moment.
There is no way you can say that he won't be scared off, how long have you been dating for?
Had you decided on your contraceptive plans and did you both act responsibly or was it all you or was it all down to him?
At the end of the day this pregnancy happened for a reason and so there is no point proportioning blame but facing up to what you do now?
Your parents anger will subside as they love you so always, always remember that OK.
We are all here for you too so never be afraid to talk to any of us.
There are also many helplines to chat to counsellors as well but I would get the support of your family first.
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
x
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