A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Me and my friend who is a boy got drunk one night and ended up having sex, losing our virginities. We agreed to not tell anyone because if we ever told anyone about any of our other sexual encounters in the past it always ended up in fights. However I'm feeling really bad about this because we're not in a relationship or anything and I actually do like him. I really want to talk to a friend about it, but would it be really bad of me to break our agreement by talking to someone about it? Although he's my best friend, because he's involved I don't want to talk to him about it and make it awkward. Should I talk to a friend about it?
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (9 October 2013):
 I am confused. If you got drunk and both of you lost your virginity, then wouldn't that be your FIRST sexual encounter?
What does this mean? "if we ever told anyone about any of our other sexual encounters in the past it always ended up in fights." WHAT other sexual encounters? If you both lost your virginity and kept it a secret, then there's only ONE encounter, right? What other encounters ended in fights?
I too question the whole "we don't want to tell anyone" thing. For a guy losing his virginity, unless he's from an ultra-strict religious family, guys tend to talk about sexual encounters. Some cross the line and start bragging incessantly.
I agree, tell him how you feel. But I hope he doesn't have a girlfriend he's hiding you from.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2013): Thanks a lot this is a big help. I'm going to talk to a close friend who I grew up with. We aren't best friends cause we don't see each other that often but were like sisters to each other and we go to each other when we have problems we can't share with our own friend groups. So I know he won't find out that I've told her. Also although we were drunk we still had safe sex so I'm not worried about pregnancy or anything. I don't often get drunk but was a special occasion which ended up not as I would have expected, won't make the same mistake again. Also I think your right I do need to talk about the feelings I have for him, I know it'll take some courage but I know it has to be done. Thanks again everyone :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2013): I don't think its breaking your agreement to talk about it if the friend you talk to is outside of that particular social circle. Has no contact with said boy or his friends etc. That way there is never a chance that this event can be shared about to your friends in common. Do you have friends outside of your friends with him?? Whoever you tell make sure its someone you absolutely trust. Like a sister or an aunt you trust etc. Someone who won't stab you in the back about it. Someone not connected to the events.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2013): Only someone you can really trust. Why does it have to be such a secret for him? How old are you both?
If it bothers you, it's okay to talk to someone about it. Don't keep things secret that make you feel bad. Sex isn't wrong. You did it while drunk. That wasn't a good to time to do it.
I hope you were careful and used a condom. Boys don't usually keep sex a secret; unless they were cheating, or it could get them into trouble. They can't usually prove they are a virgin. You can only take his word for it; or if he doesn't seem to know what he's doing.
If you are worried about anything; please break the secret if it will help you to feel better. Don't text about it, or tell a group of friends. Just the best friend you have. Talk only in-person.
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