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female
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anonymous
writes: Ok so I feel like a total slut even asking this question but my guilt is tearing me apart....I have been with my fiance for almost two years and we are getting married next year...The last few months I have been cheating on him..six different times with five different guys...I don't know why...I love my fiance with al my heart I think it was just something I needed to get out of my system just coming out of a five year marriage from hell two years ago....i feel horrible and I have decided to stop doing this to him...I don't want to lose the man of my dreams...I believe in honesty but am so afraid he will leave me...we have a child together and I don't want to rip our family apart but I know I should be honest...any advice? should I tell him or should I just let it go I know I will never do this again I am so in love with....Please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2005): If you love him why did you cheat on him just because you came out of a bad marriage two years ago? I would call the wedding off and split up with him for the sake of yourself and him. Lets put you in his situation, how would you feel if you were about to get married to your child's dad when he was secretly cheating on you six times with five different woman? You wouldn't want to get married to him would you? So call off the wedding and let both of you live seprate lives before it's too late and you have a ring on your finger.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2005): Marriages are built on a solid foundation, which begins with trust. Somehow, I know you know that. So, what type of marriage would you be creating if you do not tell him? Sounds like another glimpse of hell. Do the right thing.
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female
reader, Delila +, writes (31 August 2005):
You feel very guilty and don't like yourself very much right now. You have been badly damaged in the past and maybe need more time where you are committed to healing yourself before you commit to a relationship. Tell your fiance that you feel as if you love him but you are not ready to get married just yet. Allow him to break away. Get to know yourself, have a some fun. Even though you say you are mad about your fiance he may not be the man for you. Be honest with yourself.
Delila
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reader, YoungAunt  +, writes (31 August 2005):
 You should ask yourself are you staying with him just because of your child? Or because you love him? If it is just about your child then you should seriously think about rethinking your relationship. If you end up with the man you don't love then you will regret it for the rest of your life. It will be your child who comes out of it the worst. Relationships should be based on love and trust, and if you want trust you will have to tell your partner about it, if he really loves you thn he will forgive you. Otherwise it will be a dark secret over you, and tht will lead to a bitter and jealous relationship.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (31 August 2005):
 It all depends on if you do understand why you did this and can be absolutely certain that it won't happen in the future. You need to be honest with yourself and work out why you did it, it is very important that you know so that you don't do it in the future. Is it guilt that will make you stop doing this or also because you don't want to? If you still wish to sleep with other men but are resisting it because of your fiance, then you have to really analyse why this is. Do you enjoy the attention? Is it for a sexual buzz? Does it make you feel wanted?
Is there any chance that your fiance could find out because if there is, you will have to get in first I'm afraid.
If you really feel that you won't ever do it again and you really want to work on making your relationship successful, then it may be best to say nothing at all. You need to sit down with your partner and discuss your relationship, how you can improve it, what you can do together as a couple and what you can all do together as a family.
It may be wise to consider seeing a counsellor too to settle yourself with your past as well as any other issues you may have to give your relationship the best possible chance.
Good luck.
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