A
female
age
36-40,
*hiina
writes:I'm in love with my cousin.he has been living in my house for two years. I confessed to him about being bisexual so he confessed to me about being in love with me. I have always had feelings for him. when we were kids I even had a crush on him but we didn't see eachother for 9 years but now it's not just a crush. he even dumped he girlfriend he had for three years just because I told him I felt the same way. we have the most beautiful thing. it's just Adorable. we have made many plans. but we are scared and he wants me to finish school first. what should I do? when should we tell our family? is it legal for cousins to get married in new York?(he is my mothers brothers son) will our kids have problems? help uswe are in complete love!
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female
reader, jamiegirl +, writes (13 March 2010):
My first cousin and I have been in love for over 20 years. Our family kind of flipped out when they first found out, but after a while they got used to it. She and I lived together for some time, and though we moved on with our separate lives for various reasons, we still love each other very much and stay in touch.
Really, it's no big deal to be with your cousin. Here in CA it's legal for first cousins to marry. I think you should just do what you both feel is right and not worry so much about what others think. Even having children with a first cousin isn't a problem - the chances of congenital problems are about the same as for non-related couples. Google cousin marriage - there are lots of famous cousin couples, actually.
I wish you happiness. :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009): It is legal in many parts of the world for cousins to marry. Im afraid some countries don't allow it, or have very strict routines for it (in Norway I think we have to get the king's permission!) However, it's not as unusual or scary as we have been taught. In the old days they married their cousins all the time. The entire Royal families of Europe are related because of this. They were forbidden to marry outside of their class, though, so that excuses them but still. Perfectly fine children with no problems came out of it. I also know of half-siblings who got married, and had perfectly fine children.
Its really just the children part that is the problem. "breeding" inside of the family increases the risk of having children with genetically problems and defects. I would suggest you read up on that and then see if you are willing to take the chance.
I actually support you two. Its just that for so many, it will be weird, and many may be freaked out by it. As well as you should expect your family not to support it at first either, but with time, they might come around.
Also, to avoid problems, don't tell too many that you are cousins. It's no one's business really to know.
Take it slow and think this through. It will be hard on the both of you, and are you ready and strong enough to fight for your love?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009): right,
i'm sorry but the previous anonymous poster is wrong, in so many ways.
first off, there are 24 states in the US that it is legal in
secondly, not only is "mutations" a very offensive and crude term, it is also exaggerated. in the general public, any two people having children, there is a 2% chance of a genetic defect, that is only increased to 4% in blood related first cousins.
and third, this is a website to help people, not to pass judgement, which you were blatantly doing by saying it was wrong, that is judging.
to the OP, as for your family, i know it may be a scary time, but you must do what is best for you, you canot live in your family's shadow, if they truly love you they will come to terms with it though i will say it won't be straight away.
it sounds like you two are truly serious about this but you must do alot of soul searching before you come out in the open with it.
i wish you all the best and let us know what your decision is and what happens.
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