A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I have a 2 and a half yr old son. Went through a very rough time as single mother and swore to myself i'd never hav a baby unless i was secure and happy with a man. had a bf for a yr and i do love him, but split us as he got aggressive infront of my son. Today found out im preg, and he always said he'd never forgive me if i ever fell preg and had an abortion, as he's had 2 baby nieces die. And then also their mother his sister died. I really dont know whether i should tell him or not. Would like some advice please.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2008): Everyone deserves a second chance. And from what you have said, he seems determined to earn that chance.
One way or the other, of the child is his, then he DESERVES, nay, has moral and biological RIGHT to know he is a father.
But when and how you tell him is a decision only YOU can make.
Flynn 24
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): Hi. Thanks for everyones advice and support. Much appreciated! Since we split, he has started to get some help to control his anger. But my family and friends hate him, for what happened. I do believe he'd be a great dad. But i changed after what he did and even though he's begged me to try again. Im not sure its what i want! I need to think alot about things. Thanks again for your support. :-) xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): I suggest you don't tell him yet; You have decisions that you have to make; you have to think about what you want and what is best for you and your little child;
You have to decide about this pregnancy; Unfortunately you have very limited choices:
Abortion
or
Adoption
or
raising a second child on your own
You need not inform him; depending what you decide;
Do take your time and think about this very carefully;
Take care of yourself and your little one; think carefully!
Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (26 June 2008):
 You need to tell him. Every man has a right to know that he is a father.
But in view of what you have said about him, I'm not sure you need to tell him right now.
I think from what you said that you wouldn't want to have him back? You don't have the need to have him with you during your pregnancy? You already have one child and, difficult as it might have been, you coped. You can cope doing it alone again?
Consider whether to wait, and whether to tell him that it's his child only after the child has been born and after you've proved to yourself that you don't need this man in your life - and then it's entirely your decision, without any pressure, on whether you allow him back in your life. And if you do, it's on your terms not his.
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A
female
reader, andyb  +, writes (26 June 2008):
Do what is best for your children, you already know you can raise a child without a man in your life, you did it before this guy came on the scene. You made a good decision to end the relationship because of his temper so he knows you are capable of tough decisions. best of luck.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (26 June 2008):
Hi there,
I understand that its a hard position you must be in.
On one hand you must feel like you should tell him, because him being thefather gives him the right to know. But on the other hand, you may not want to tell him because he was aggressive in front of your other child.
I guess it comes down to whether or not you want to risk him being a very bad influence and perhaps abusive father in your child's life.
Im no legal expert, but if you did tell him and he was violent towards your child there may be something you could do to stop him from seeing the child in order to protect him/her.
By the way, I think you should be proud that you made a good decsion to end the relationship wiht him, you did what was best for your child :)
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