A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:For four months I have been back in a relationship with my ex, who is also my best friend and a guy I grew up with. I love him, but we were planning to break up when I leave town for 6 months, and so I cheated once. It was a drunk mistake, I regret it ever happening. I was too scared to tell him when it happened. We later decided to stay together. All this did was convince me of how much I love him. He is so hurt and angry and wants nothing to do with me. I'm leaving in two days, and I can't live without him. How do I convince him of how sorry I am? He told me I can try to stay in his life somehow, but that the relationship and friendship are ruined. How do I rebuild with him?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2008): My initial reaction here is that you are trying to justify your actions by saying you were drunk, that you were going to break up anyways and that it only happened once. You cannot do this if you want your boyfriend to forgive you. What you did is wrong, the circumstances don't make it better and it doesn't matter that it only happened once. The drink doesn't change it either, you may have been drunk, but you were still in control of yourself and made this decision. If you try to defend your actions to yourself or him he will never forgive you. You are trying to make yourself feel better, but this isn't about you and you need to stop treating it that way.
Outside of that, you need to explain to him exactly what happened and why. He may seem angry, but I assure you that anger is just there to compensate for his pain and disbelief. This boy needs to understand what happened, and from there you need to prove to him that you regret this and it will never happen again. Tell him over and over again, be sincere and don’t consider misleading him in any way, but don’t expect that he will trust you. Rebuilding after cheating is the most difficult trial you may face in a relationship. He is going to distrust you and be reluctant to ever get close to you again. Repairing your relationship will take a lot of work and at the end he has no reason to trust you again. If you're willing to put in the effort knowing that it may result in him still hating you, then try. If not, then just leave this poor guy alone.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): "Cheated once." Whether you cheat once or a million times really doesn't matter. And being drunk is not an excuse, but it is interesting to see how many men and women use alcohol as a qualifier to their actions. I'm sorry to say, but you ought to leave this young man alone. You were going to break up anyways, you say, but at the time of your hook-up you weren't broken up, otherwise it wouldn't be cheating.Hopefully, what you said here isn't how you told your former friend what happened.Cheating is always a mistake and more times than not it costs us something dear to us. It is a difficult thing to deal with. Cheaters, myself included, have a tendency to say "woe is us" and ruminate over the fact that one mistake cost us a loving mate, or satifsying relationship.However, that one mistake causes a world of hurt for the person who gets cheated on. The very fact that it is one stupid mistake does not ease the hurt for your partner at all.rebuilding? forgiveness? Those are in his court and at his whim...Apologize profusely and SINCERELY and then you just have to give him space and maybe he will find it in his heart to get back with you. It has to be his decision and he's going to need SPACE to make it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): I honestly don't think you can really do anything except to try to be his friend for now. Your reason for cheating is a pretty bad one because it doesn't sound like you were unhappy with him. So to him he thinks you WANTED to cheat & used your leaving as an excuse to do so. Also I've found that it hurts alot more if your partner is a long time friend.
But andyb is right. He will simmer down over time. Whether he wants to get back with you is up to him. Some guys are really unforgiving when it comes cheating. You can only hope he gets over it...
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A
female
reader, sex-slave +, writes (26 June 2008):
 You can tell him the truth you were drunk, I also recommend you say you'll never drink again if you can live without alcohol to. If he refuses still. Tell you love never will forget him and you'll talk to him when his not angery anymore. Then try again. I wish you the best of luck!
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A
female
reader, andyb  +, writes (26 June 2008):
sounds like you both need space, especially him. He's hurting right now and it takes time to heal.
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