A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really just needed some where to write this, because I just needed to get it off my chest. I dated a girl for a year and a half, it was pretty good most of the time, but I didn't fully put my effort into the relationship like I should have. I am in college and so is see, she goes to one on the other side of the city compared to where I go. So it was hard in the sense we would have to plan a lot of things out. But we made it through a year pretty good, the thing is we didn't really argue a lot or anything, if one of us wanted something that the other didn't want really, but could see why they wanted it that way, they would allow it. Her best friend was a guy, which I was not totally comfortable with but allowed it. I needed more time for my schooling and she understood so we adjusted accordingly. It was fine up and until I became depressed, my life and became a circle, I would study usually end up failing or not doing well in school then I would spend time with my (ex)girlfriend and work. I was inside 90% of the time, I am an outside type of guy so this really hit me hard. I became lost and different, so in the end I tired to save the relationship by becoming someone I am not, by trying to seem like a cool guy and to impress my ex girlfriend. Its been 6 months, she has a new guy, and all that I feel is being stupid, that I became depressed and still am some days. She and I are friends for say, its not a traditional type of friendship but it works. But there are moments where I just wonder, where would we be at if I was not depressed, if I didn't act like a total jerk/someone I am not (basically bending to all her needs). Would it be right to tell her that I still feel like crap for what happened? Or should I just wait until a right period of time in the future?
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male
reader, Ven +, writes (17 October 2010):
Wait it out. It is the best and most caring thing you can do for her. She is dating someone else, and she doesn't need to be reminded of the past this early on in that.
I would also recommend taking up a physically exhausting hobby of some kind. Doing "manly" things and working testosterone out of our systems is a big self-esteem boost, and will hopefully help you get out of your funk.
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