A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I want to tell a co worker that I have feelings for him. I have liked him for a few months and the only problem is that he is engaged. The weddings not for like 2 years though. I wasn't planning on saying anything because he's not available. But he's having problems with his gf. They even went on a break. She's just pretty full on and a bit mental from what my collueges tell me. I'm not trying to be his bit on the side. That's the last thing I want. I just want to tell him one way or another that I have feelings for him. That if he was single I would like to make him happy. Should I tell him? Or if he's having problems wait and see what hapens.
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a break, co-worker, engaged, wedding Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2012): No, you shouldn't tell him you have feelings for him when he's engaged...not unless you want to write back to this site with a problem about a co-worker who stopped talking to you all of a sudden or the mental girlfriend of a coworker who's stalking you.
Like you said, he's off limits...respect your own intuition.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 December 2012):
 He's off limits. I would NOT say anything at all.
Just because he's having issues in the relationship does not mean you should muddy the waters.
IF and when they break up for good, you can then make your move, realizing that working with someone you are dating can be awkward and if you break up and still work in the same place it's worse.
BTW give him at least 6 months after the break up to heal or you will be the rebound girl or possible be left if he tries again with her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 December 2012):
 I wouldn't tell him anything.
If they REALLY break up then I might let him no, but not until he truly is single.
And understand that there is ALWAYS two sides to a story. He might tell you she is mental, but who knows HE might be the mental one.
Also, you might want to consider that IF you do tell him he might take you up on and and use you as a rebound.
I think if you tell him it's asking for drama and awkwardness in the workplace.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (7 December 2012):
 If they had a break but got back together that shows that they are clearly trying to make this work, so if you say anything to him it will only make him think you are a bit 'mental' too like his fiancee!
If they are going to split up they will do it eventually, so you are just going to have to wait if you think he is worth it.
But keep this in mind - he has proposed to this girl, he has declared that she is 'the one', this is the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with. So this isnt any ordinary girlfriend, this is the woman he has asked to be his wife. The chances of them splitting up are pretty slim, this is probably just a bad patch and they will get past it. Do you really want to be waiting around for ages for a man that has already told another girl she is the one and wants to marry her?
Even if they split up I think you'd just be a rebound (if he is even attracted to you), you dont get over someone you are engaged to quickly at all so even if they split up in the next 6 months, you'd still be waiting for months, maybe even years after that for him to get over her properly.
I think the best thing to do is let this go, you dont have a chance with him now and even if they split up you'd only be a rebound - so you will never get to be with this guy the way you want to be. Move on, find someone single to have a crush on instead.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (7 December 2012):
 Even though they're having problems, and even though his fiancée may be "mental", he is still engaged. You stepping in and telling him how you feel, will only make a bad situation worse.
He isn't available, so leave him alone and allow them to work things out. If they end up calling off the engagement and parting ways, then you would be in the clear to tell him of your feelings - but interfering with his relationship, trouble or not, would be a bad idea. He needs to figure out whether he wants his relationship to work, without any outside influences.
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