A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband is completely none affectionate with me, and I dont know what to try anymore. He is impotent from undiagnosable causes. I mean not the GP, or the psychologist could really figure it out what is his issue,but he lost all his sexual interest, and have very bad ED. Because its not only ED but luck of sex drive, he is not benefiting from Viagra. Now its not just about sex. He does not care about any other body contact. I feel very lonely and helpless. He used to be very affectionate and had very strong sex drive. He seems to be totally distant, but he never said , he wanted out,or he stopped loving me. He says he doesn't know. He is not depressed, he works ok, sleeps ok, eats ok.It was all checked out by professional. What is very hard for me, is that he is not bad man, so I cant just leave him, or I want to, But in this state ,I feel very unhappy, and unloved, . Honestly I don't know what to do. Please give me some ideas. Thanks
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male
reader, jesussturgis +, writes (1 February 2013):
It could be nothing more declining testosterone levels that have made him lose interest in intimacy. It just takes a simple blood test to know testosterone levels. You could even tell him about Ageless Male. My husband has been using Ageless Male ever since he was diagnosed with low testosterone and it has made all the difference for us. It has fueled his sexual desire and restored our almost failing relationship. I'm sure it'll be of help to you too. Good luck!
http://www.agelessmale.com/
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (8 December 2012):
 I would recommend he see an endocrinologist. His hormones could be out of whack, particularly his testosterone. Also his urologist should also give him a thorough exam as well.
As men age, this hormone naturally declines and when it is low, his sex drive will nose dive.
Here are some other things that he can do:
1) Avoid soy. Soy increases estrogen which will decrease testosterone. Soy is in everything these days and many men can't handle it.
2) Exercise. Exercise increase testosterone and mild exercise can increase one's libido.
3) Lose weight. If he is overweight, this could be killing a lot of things: his self-esteem, his blood flow and his sex drive.
4) Lose the stress: if he is under stress this will effect his libido.
5) Try and seduce him. Try morning sex when he is most likely to achieve an erection. Wear something sexy and revealing and see if you can start the action. He may not be able to perform but perhaps he can play a part in satisfying you.
Finally, I would recommend you talk to him and explain to him you need physical attention too. His job as a man is to be there sexually for you. If that means he simply provides oral or manual sex than so be it. He may not be in the mood for it, but if he wants to keep his marriage intact, he needs to man up. I would also recommend Dr Laura Schlessinger's book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" for joint reading.
Sadly, if things don't work out. Like SageOldGuy said you have to either take care of yourself (masturbate or go without), seek out a lover on the side, or file for divorce. I know none of those options are palatable but eventually you are going to have pick one and live with that decision.
You may benefit from counseling as well. Trust me, this problem occurs for both men and women and you aren't the only one in dealing with this. A trained professional may be able to reveal more about what is going in your marriage.
Feel free to reach out,
Eddie
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 December 2012):
 you say the doctors cannot find anything wrong with him... I assume hes' seen not only the GP but the urologist as well.
IF NOT he needs to see a urologist ASAP. He may have low-t which is not often picked up (although its' becoming more well known)
IF this is purely ED then he can and should love on you in other ways... IF he's NOT affectionate at all, and you two live like roommates then you have to decide what to do.
IF it's not physical, but rather it's mental but he's happy to live this way and you are not he has a choice.
his choice is to live this way alone (as you will have to leave)
or go to counseling to figure out how to make this work
IF you would be happy with no intercourse but having love, affection and other sexual encounters with him, then tell him this and try to make it work.
IF he does not want to try to fix it you cannot fix it alone and will have no choice but to leave.
staying in a marriage where only one party wants to work on it seems unfair to me.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 December 2012):
 Been there; done that....
When two people are trying to make a relationship.... and they find, either early-on, or sometime later, that they have a sex/intimacy mismatch, it can be SO difficult to acknowledge it and determine how to react to it...
IF you and he have discussed such matters... and IF it seems that he has simply has no interest in these matters, THEN you (and he, ultimately) have to decide if YOU can live in this sex/intimacy vacuum that is based in him....
YOU can decide to be martyr-like and endure it.... for as long as necessary...OR, you can say to him and yourself: "This is no way to live. I can't endure NO sex/intimacy. Sooooo, I guess we have to go our separate ways."
Good luck....
P.S. Yes, this is just how it happened for me!!!!
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