A
female
age
30-35,
*hhitsasecret
writes:I'm dating a black guy, we're both 16.My mom is fine with it, but my dad has always told me he wants me to date white guys only, which I think is awful for him to say.So I haven't told my dad yet. I'm worried how he'll react.Race has not come up yet in my boyfriends and I relationship, because neither of us care.I really like this guy and don't want to continue a relationship that my dad won't except, but I'd hate to not be with someone just because they're different.It's unfair for my dad to put this limits on who I should or shouldn't date, race shouldn't even be an issue, but to him it seems to be.Should I talk to my boyfriend about it? and should I tell my dad? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, BaggiePantsJr  +, writes (19 December 2009):
If your bf is as great as you say he is and is ready to make something of his life believe me he has already considered that being with a white girl might come with some issues. He alrady knows that your family might reject your relationship and make you choose them or him and cut you out of their will. When yall got together he knew what he was going to have to face sooner or later. I've been that type of situation once getting the i hate you looks or being treated differently, and its not exactly something any person want to go thru but thats something different. Since your mom is ok with it you and her talk with dad about it would kinda suck if you and bf are on a date and all of a sudden here comes dad with a whole bunch of who the fck what the fck and all that. oh and make sure he told his family about you....even they will have to be ready if dad decides he wants a talk with them well just remember it wont be easy if dad only sees a skin color and u 2 are somebodys hope.....well gl
A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (17 December 2009):
 Be honest with him. Most black guys know that when they get involved with white girls they are always going to have to face this - so he will not be shocked. He will just have to work hard at proving that he is good for you. I hope he does not let you down as my dad did my mother. By that time her family had already rejected her!
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female
reader, shhitsasecret +, writes (16 December 2009):
shhitsasecret is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn response to anonymous female reader, making beats as in music, making beats to song.. And no I'm dating him has nothing to do with proving something to my dad, this is why I've been keeping it from him. If he weren't black I'd love him all the same, him being black is irrelevant in our relationship. I'm not using him, I would want to be with him regardless of where my dads opinions stand.
I'm only asking this because I'm unsure how I'm supposed to go about telling him that my dad doesn't like him just becuase he's black, I could only imagine how he would feel. I know I'd be really hurt if his parents didn't like me just becuase I'm different.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): Making beats on the side? Does he ordinarily share his masturbational activities with every girl he is interested in such casual way?I think you want to prove something to Daddy. Right? You're going to show him now that you're a big girl and you won't listen to him, aren't you? Nobody's going to tell you who you can or can't date.By all means, find a guy that is the opposite of your father and flaunt him in front of your old dad, friends and family in rebellion. Your father should have treated you better when you were growing up and now you have plenty of reasons to rebel in this way. Have fun.The point is, just stop trying to get back at your father by using this poor guy to rebel. Why don't you just paint your hair different colors, get a few piercings or a few tatoos like other kiddies do if you just need a temporary release from feeling controlled or rejected or hatred for everything your father represents. This way, at least you can change back later if you have a change of heart. You can't just throw people away when they don't serve your purpose later nearly as easily.
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female
reader, shhitsasecret +, writes (16 December 2009):
shhitsasecret is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not with him becuase he's black, I'm with him because I like him as a whole. He's funny, respectful, sweet and I always have a great time when we're together. We're still in highschool and he's no straight A student, but he has pretty good grades for the most part, and his aspiration is to be a lawyor and buisness man, he enjoys writing songs and making beats on the side. I think he has a great future if he continues on this path. I have only met his sister and cousin and we get along fine. It's still early in the relationship, so I haven't met his parents yet.
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A
female
reader, Libra1963 +, writes (16 December 2009):
Are you with this guy because he is black or do you really like him as a person? Are you trying to get at your dad because he is trying to guide you? I am a product of a multi racial family and as a child I have seen what multi racial relationships can be like. They can work but if part of the family is against it it will leave you having to decide - do you want your family disowning you or do you want to have them there for you?
What have you in common with this guy. Are you both at college? Has he prospects? Will he be able to provide for you later? These are the kind of questions parents would be asking?
What does his family think of you? Have they meet you?
Lots to think about. Keep us posted of progress.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): Tricky situation to be in, especially given your age. Gotta say I think your Mum has a much healthier attitude. Your Dad is being a bit of an ass, if you don't mind me saying so. I reckon the best thing to do is to go to your mother and tell your Dad in her presence, or maybe evne get her to tell him before u speak to him. Either way, I'd say u need your mother to help you out on this one.
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