A
male
age
51-59,
*lack Ash
writes:Hi all. My wife has always had a low sex drive. Mine has always been much healthier. A number of years ago she was diagnosed as suffering from depression, which she thinks she'd had since before she met me. She takes medication and it works well. However, she says that it has further dulled her sexual appetite and consequently we have sex once, maybe twice (max) per month. At times this doesn't bother me too much but at other times it really gets to me and put me in a bad mood etc., especially when I realise that life is slipping by. Sometimes when we're having sex, she gives me the strong impression that she just wants me to come without her doing so and that's the end of it. Not always though-sex is great sometimes and she orgasms when I go down on her. Last night we were having sex and we started to argue-it was one of those "Let's get this over with" nights- and I ended up stopping. We then had one of our fairly regular discussions/arguements about sex. She finds penetration painful, especially from behind and she doesn't really like giving me oral. Just to please me, she does go down on me sometimes but coming in her mouth (which she knows is my biggest fantasies) is totally out of the question. She says she feels guilty about the situation, generally, but things still don't change. She even said last night that maybe I should look somewhere else for sex. I don't think she means that. We're both non-practicing Catholics and have a large network of friends. I'm not sure she would be too happy if I did have an affair or casual sex. This evening I drew last night up again. I suggested we go for sex therapy. She was fairly agreeable but felt that it mightn't be of much use to me as my sex drive is fine. She had counselling earlier in the year for an unrelated family issue and she though that this might be a better road to go. She said that it's she who needs fixing and that it might throw something up that would explain why she is the way she is. She assured me that she was never abused etc. We continued to talk and eventually it turned into a full blown arguement. She again drew up about me going to someone else for sex. She also said that if I wanted to leave she'd understand and that since the kids are getting older it wouldn't be as big a problem as it might have been a few years ago. I told her that I had, in the last few years, thought about having sex with someone else, but if it came to it, I'm not sure I'd go ahead with it as I've nevr cheated on her. I don't have a question. I don't know what to do or what to think. I'm confused, sexually frustrated, not getting any younger or more attractive and I think I'm going to wake up some morning and look back, when it's too late, and regret not having had more sex during my life. I'd really appreciate some comment or advice from some Agony Aunts. Thanks in advance.
View related questions:
affair, orgasm, sex drive, sexually frustrated Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2009): I'm not sure what your wife needs but you should definitely NOT have sex with someone else unless you get separated or divorced. Keep encouraging her to try things like therapy, going to the doctor for tests, or whatever else you can think of. Call the doctor who is prescribing the pills and ask what he/she thinks. It was probably a mistake to admit you thought of having sex with someone else. If she thinks you already have one foot out the door, she's not going to want to put much effort into this, is she? You need to reassure her that you love her, don't want to leave, and will do whatever it takes to work this out.
A
male
reader, Black Ash +, writes (16 December 2009):
Black Ash is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. She did change her meds a few years ago because the original ones weren't really working very well. I'd consider anything at the moment to have a good sex life.
...............................
A
female
reader, SeXylOvE12  +, writes (16 December 2009):
 This is a really tough situation. I think that your wife should try first switching her meds. I'm on antidepressants and they don't affect my sexual appetite at all, though mine's rather high. I'm sure that she could talk to her doctor and they could suggest something to her. Sex therapy is also a good idea. I think she should try individual and couple therapy. If that doesn't work, you're just going to have to figure out whether your love for her is strong enough to go without enough sex. I know how important physical love can be in a relationship, and it's hard to go without. Having sex with another person while still married to your wife is most likely a bad idea, since it will probably drive a wedge even further between you two.
...............................
|
