A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive fallen quite deeply for someone I work with. He is single and has been for over a year, older than me but not by much. He has not identified his sexuality openly and when I told him I was bi he wasn't bothered by this in fact he said nothing in response he just smiled and went to say something but stopped himself so I tried to ease this response by continuing the conversation. I haven't approached the subject since. We have spent time out of work together doing art classes and charity events that he openly chooses to do together. On this basis I feel that we are more than just colleagues, but only friends. At work sometimes the tension (all good) gets to a point between us where even others notice and comment on how pally we are. Due to my feelings I'm trying really hard not to misconstrue this tension to the point I try to evade him where possible and it's not explicit at work.I'm at the point where I want to tell him how I feel despite the rejection I fear will occur. Just to get it off my chest and alleviate the tension.Yet I don't want to make him feel awkward at work either and I also fear my honesty will push him away and I will lose him as a friend also?I'm confused by my feelings and I am seeking some guidance as to whether I should just tell him or not?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 July 2017):
 I agree with WiseOwlE,
DO NOT tell him. I think he HASN'T told you about his sexual preference because it doesn't coincide with yours. Not everyone feels a need to run around and explain to people what their sexual preference is.
He KNOWS you are not straight and has SAID nothing.
If he IS interested in you to the same degree he WILL tell you. After all, you two spend time at social events and outside of work too.
Let's say he is curious. And he might be. YET, he has chosen to NOT do anything about it. Maybe because you two work together, maybe to keep the friendship. WHICH both makes sense.
Think about how AWKWARD things will be if he is NOT interested.... This is your place off work, not some nightclub.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2017): Seeking romance at work is such a risky deal. You have to deal with the feelings and events that follow; if things don't work out, or get nasty.
One of the things gay-men so frequently misinterpret or by-pass is that straight-men can like you for who you are without wanting to have sex with you.
You can claim there is tension between you, but you're the one at this site professing how you feel about him. You may be feeling your own sexual-tension; and only sensing his nerves or discomfort! He definitely wants a pal; but I think if he knows you're bisexual and hasn't crossed the line, it is safe to say he never will. In situations like this, you keep your feelings to yourself; and let him make the first move.
I'm gay too. I'm letting you know because it's relevant and I have been there. I can sometimes sense a man's curiosity, even if they are admiring my looks. I don't make the mistake of "presuming" on men who have not come-out of the closet. There is the 50/50 or 90/10 per cent chance of being totally wrong. Then things become awkward and you're still infatuated; while he wants to crawl out of his skin.
Let him tell you his sexual-orientation, before you tell him about your feelings about him.
I think you should continue handling it has you have. When he feels secure enough to come-out, he will. It may not mean he's attracted to you in particular. You just may be the guy he needs to help unlock the closet door. That's all.
If that is the case. Be patient. Suppress your hormones! You're gay, and all cute guys will arouse them!
One-straight friend I have even asked, would gay-men find him attractive; because I've never made any passes at him.
I told him some of us respect the boundaries, and not be so so vain as to think just because he has a nice package and hot bod, we will all jump his bones. We draw the line at straight; and prefer to keep our pretty faces and all our teeth. Homophobes can be quite dangerous. They will even lead gay-men on just to hurt them.
My buddy is a very good-looking guy. I took him to a gay event to see how he'd handle it. He was excited to go. He liked the stares, but he turned bright-red and almost offended when someone touched him. I got him out of there.
I was afraid he was going to punch someone. Took him a while to recover. He explained it didn't feel right. I understood.
He's satisfied to know he is quite good-looking, but he has no interest in going beyond friendship! Still one of my closest of friends. My BF and I hangout with him and his girlfriend. I think this present lady is his heart. She's special. He said something about a ring back on the 4th.
I want you to hold your feelings in place. Let him confess to you. If there's anything there, give it time to get so strong he'll have little choice but to do something about it.
Patience will keep things in proper perspective work-wise.
If he's only leading you on or just curious, no harm done; because you never gave into it. Your feelings may also pass, because sometimes gay-men grow attached to the closest man to them; if they're lonely, and have been single for a long-time. If he's cute and masculine, he's just making you horny. That's only natural. Keep your wits about you.
Never fain friendship as an angle to get at a guy, especially when you don't know his sexual-orientation. He can accept you for who you are without swinging the same way. Remember, you cut him off before he got a chance to tell you he's not gay or bi. It was best you did. It's better to let him do it in his own time, and his own way.
There's cool movie called "Coffee Date." It hits the nail on the head. Check it out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2017): Easy answer. ..tell him sounds like you have a good friendship and your interests will keep you as friends if he wants nothing more....good luck
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