A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How long will men wait to have sex? I am 31 and I have had only two boyfriends - I suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder and it's hard for me to be intimate because I always fear catching diseases. I am always mostly been celibate because of this and when someone does show up I always worry about this issue- I have to get on birth control right away because I'm always paranoid with condoms also( even though I have used condoms I'm always paranoid about getting pregnant) . Will a guy wait? I realize I am insecure inside because I've worked too long on the exterior ( not my insecurities) but I wanted to get advice
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2017): I know I'm responding to an oldish question but what struck me was how strongly it sounds like the OP should get some professional help with her issues. It sounds to me like your OCD may be affecting all areas of your life and perhaps a bit of counseling could make a big improvement!Best of luck!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 July 2017):
 If he is the right guy for you then yes he will wait and if he doesn't then he is not the man for you.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (11 July 2017):
 Of course we "sex-crazed" maniacs will wait. The gift of virginity is not taken lightly. The wedding night can either be ho-hum or excitement unchained.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (11 July 2017):
 Most guys will wait. At least for three dates. What you are talking about here is not waiting for sex, but avoiding sex as much as possible, forever.
Here is the honest truth. Everyone has nonsexual relationships. We call these relationships Friends, or family. the great majority of people desire to have one relationship that is closer than that. They want Intimacy. A sharing of secrets that builds a deep trust. Many people reserve sex for that one person in their life.
Your fear is going to keep you from that. You may be able to find an intimate partner who can build the trust bond with you while you withhold from him this one secret. But it will be harder, much harder.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2017): There's a lot of angles to this question. First, are you thinking about this issue because you want sex or you think you should be having sex? If you think you should be, then you need to re-evaluate and find out what and how you feel in reality. If you want to have sex, then it's worth getting help specific to that issue.Decent men will wait, yes, but not forever, unfortunately. It doesn't make them a bad person, it's just reflective of an individual's needs. As was said previously, some men don't need sex. Some men will wait a long time. Some won't. Some will be understanding and give you all the time in the world.When you first go into a relationship (ok, maybe not on the first date) be a little open about your OCD so that he understands. And decide for yourself what you really want from sex, if at all.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (11 July 2017):
 Stay on birth control, always use condoms and both of you get tested before having sexual contact.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2017): There is nothing wrong with fearing diseases or pregnancy from casual sex.The more anyone does the rounds of the sexually available the higher the chances are that they will carry a disease!But why are you even considering sex with these casual token men?Your first step should be to become friends by checking out his mind and by doing pleasant things together even if it is just a trip about town.Also you need to see if your potential beau is a potential hazard with dangerous thought processes.Dont be immediately sexually available because you wouldnt expect to jump into a scalding hot bath of shower without needing skin grafts.You must check for yourself because words often mean nothing!Casual friendliness does not make a decent person.Avoid craigslist and all the pickup zones where guys treat women like unpaid prostitutes.Look to make a connection that goes beyond the element of needing to shag anyone as this is a one way road to grief.I wish I could get the many women who would agree with this to testify but many of them are no longer with us in this world.So dont be available before getting to know more than a few chat up lines which only mean one thing.Caution is good!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2017): It depends on the man.
For me it depends on the woman. I would wait a long time for a woman if this was a deep part of herself or her values like it is with you.
I am not happy when a woman got busy with other guys quickly but then she wants me to wait extra long. Especially if she lies about it and later I find out she was "making me respect her." That is a great way to lose all my respect.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2017): Even tho it is rare there are guys out there who are happy with sex free relationship you just got to find them and be honest from the start of chatting that your celibate ....it can happen in hope your getting help for your issues
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2017): Noone can tell you that I'm afraid. I'd love to say it won't matter but it will. Not taking your fear of catching diseases personally will depend on how deeply this person feels for you. Your condition makes intimacy very hard to nurture so I'd start by forming good platonic relationships first and hopefully the great things about you will shine out. I don't know what you mean by the statement that you have concentrated on the exterior but you should definitely seek help about your OCD
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