A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:me and my boyfriend have been together just over a month. he's told me he loves me but it seems like whenever we're together all we're doing is making out and every time it goes a little bit futher. i'm kind of apprehensive to let him get too far and i do have the confidence to say no but i sort of feel like i'm being contradictive. he doesn't know i'm not a virgin and i think if he did it would only spur him on, but at the same time i think he should know? i don't want to do that because i don't really want to sleep with him for a while yet, if ever. should i tell him?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): There is no problem with keeping your past sex a secret and sleeping with your BF, if you are living in a world where STDs can all be tested for with full accuracy.
But we don't live in that world. We live in a world where lying to your BF means tricking him into taking more of an STD risk than he knew he was taking. That's wrong. You may think the the available STD tests are safe enough and that's fine for you. But you do not have the right to decide what is "safe enough" for your BF. It's his body and he has the right to choose for himself. Right now he thinks sleeping with you would carry ZERO risk for him. That is not the truth.
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (29 November 2010):
 I wouldn't tell him just yet. If you're not thinking of sleeping with him, then keep it to yourself. Definitely don't do anything you're not comfortable with. Speak up if he takes things too far.
Before you have sex, discuss things with him. Tell him at that time you're not a virgin. There is no need to disclose such things before you're ready or before you're taking things to a different level.
You're right that he might try to guilt you into sex if he knew this. It wouldn't be the mark of a good guy, but then again he likely wouldn't care.
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (29 November 2010):
No, if you do, chances are it will only upset the both of you. He might feel angry that you had sex before, but now won't with him. You really have no obligation to tell him (unless you were unsafe before and could give him an STD, once the 2 of you do become sexually active). But if he does ask, I wouldn't lie to him.
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