A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 4 months, nearly 5. We have trust issues. He's never done anything to make me doubt his love for me but i've lied to him many times and I created a lot of lies to cover up everything... in the end, it blew up in my face and we had a huge argument where we nearly broke up.I really love him, and i want to make this relationship work. However, i've told him about every incident that happened to date (the majority of incidents occurring when he was overseas). I've never cheated on him but i was put into a difficult situation when his best friend (also my best friend) kissed me when he was drunk. I never reciprocated, but because my boyfriend was already jealous of the relationship me and our friend had, he was really disappointed when i found out I covered up everything.Today, I just remembered that there was an incident when I was at a party was supposed to return home to skype him but i lied and went to a club to check on my girlfriend who i was worried about, and also to meet my friends. I never told him the truth though, and now its killing me because I feel as though our trust has been built up, but its only going to take a small secret like this to ruin everything..What do I do? I really need help.
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (17 March 2011):
I guess he will get mad at you anyway. No matter how you tell him this. And I don't think it's worth it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all, thank you so much for your advice.
For the past few weeks, our relationship has been cruising on smoothly... however, a few nights ago we had a horrible fight where we ended up bringing the entire best friend issue and trust issues in again. I have to admit that not bringing up the club thing is killing me, because I know without a doubt that he tells me everything.
I've decided that I can't deal with the guilt, and I need to tell him (and even though its a small thing), but how will i break it to him in the easiest way possible? I need suggestions and advice on this.
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A
male
reader, Capri2 +, writes (7 March 2011):
You shouldn't tell him about that as is a really harmless lie (based on what you wrote about it). But you have a lesson to learn here. You can't keep building your relationship over lies because you will make it fail.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 March 2011):
 Don't mention the club. He already knows you've been lying about small things. Instead focus on why you are so keen to lie about matters you really do not need to lie about. What are you scared of will happen if you are honest from the go? Why for example, did you lie to your boyfriend about the skype and club thing? Would he not have been understanding?
You have only been in this relationship for 4 months. You either need to start taking it serious, or get out before it gets serious. By taking it serious you have to stop lying. There is NO reason why a person should lie. If you do something, or land in a situation where you think you might have to lie to your boyfriend, then clearly you should not put yourself in such situations! Cheating is one thing, but lying is betrayal none the less. If you do things you can't be honest about you need to stop doing these things. Or if the things you do are harmless, then why the need to hide them?
Trust goes both ways. I think that by lying you show that you do not trust your boyfriend with the truth. How can there be trust when neither of you trust the other? This relationship I am afraid is near ending, and it might be too late. The best thing to do now, for your own sake as well, is to clean up your act and be honest about everything from now on. Don't dig into things you lied about before. But from this moment on only tell truths. No half lies, white lies, or hiding facts. Think about what kind of relationship you want: do you want one filled with lies and betrayal? Or do you want an honest and open one, where you can talk to your partner and have trust?
You know what you need to do to get that relationship where you can be happy. And even if this relationship doesn't work you have now learned that you always need to be honest.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): If you want your relationship to work, you should be honest. About going out, you shouldn't even lie about it. He should understand that you need to get out once in a while. I believe that we shouldn't be lock up in the house, and if no cheating involved just be straight up with him that your going out. Just be honest!
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A
male
reader, Jjang19  +, writes (7 March 2011):
Stop lying to him first of all. If you keep lying your just hurting him and your relationship. When my girlfriend lies about stuff i always eventually find out, and eventually this might end your relationship but for now be honest with what you can.
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