A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am an Indian girl in USA and have a boyfriend in India who I known since 6 years. I went on a business trip with this friend of mine (male,Indian) who is sweet and nice but I have never developed any sort of feelings for him.We were sharing a bathroom and he came out of the shower wearing just a towel. I considered that disrespectful and improper. I did not say anything to him at that time.Now this is killing me. I feel so bad about it and keep thinking about this a lot. I do not have the courage to tell my boyfriend about it and feel that I betrayed him in a small but wrong way.Can you suggest me what I should do? Should I talk to this guy anymore? Should I tell my boyfriend? Thanks for help! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2007): Are you sure the shower scene was purely 'accidental'? Do not tell your boyfriend in India. I know what heartache you will receive if you have even knowledge of seeing another man like that. Be very cautious, I think this man sees how commited you are to your boyfriend and family and is just trying to test you and is taking advantage of your innocence. I went to a Hindi wedding four years ago where my friend was getting married. She is bright and a very good person, but everyone knew she was marrying a playboy. I could never understand why she let it happen.
Don't let this incident or man jeopardize YOUR future. But do NOT tell your boyfriend or even a close friend or family, from what you have said, this person has tried to take advantage of you, given what we know in our culture. You know that people might talk. If he does something like that again, confront him and tell him to stop. He is offending you and your family.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2007): The fault was on his part so I don't see why you should. Besides you have probably seen as much on TV or in print.
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A
male
reader, Rikki  +, writes (20 May 2007):
Hi Sweety, First i am indian male. So i think i can give u some suggestion. First you dint do any thing wrong. But i think still will be better , not to tel ur boyfriend. If you are not wrong .Dont feel bad and just forget everything. If u can, just make sure that this doent happen again....
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (20 May 2007):
 It wasn't your fault. Your boyfriend would have no reason to be upset with you. Tell him what happened, and he'll most likely just shrug it off. Just make it clear that there's only one man that you want to see in a towel.
DV1
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2007): Hey sweetie..I understand how you feel..I'm Indian too and I get why you'd consider it improper. But you know, you did nothing wrong. It's not your fault that he came out of the shower like that. And maybe he didn't even realize that he was doing something that may be construed as improper. Tell your boyfriend about it if you want to and I don't think he should be mad at you or anything because you did nothing to betray him. If you are in a long distance relationship he must have some trust and faith in you, right?
As for talking to your colleague again, if you are fairly certain that he has no feelings for you either, just try and let this pass. If he has done other things that may tell you he's trying to make a move on you then by all means talk to this guy about it and tell him you consider his behavior improper and you have a boyfriend whom you're loyal to. Or else just keep as much of a distance from him as possible.
Take care.. :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2007): Of course not! First of all you have to talk to other people in order for them to know your feelings. Maybe for your friend this was something completely normal. I mean it's not like he was naked Please!. I would feel kind of uncomfortable too if this was to happen to me but I would just tell him or just forget about the incident. It's not like you are going to share bathrooms for the rest of your lives. I don't see the point on telling your boyfriend. He might accuse you of being the culprit. Because I know that's how some Indian males are. You shouldn't feel guilty for something that's not your fault.
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