A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello aunt Advice needed!!I was catching up with an old high school friend, we were very close but we lost contact now in college were close again. We decided to go have a girls night, during the dinner she asked about my best friend and vice versa, she knows my best friend from high school. At that time me and my best friend had boyfriends and she was dating a couple of guys. Two months later, another girls night and me and my old high school friend is having fun as usual and she asked me about my best friend, was she coming to hang etc. I said no she got stuck at work, so she tells me that my best friend boyfriend was messaging her on social media, saying he wants to get to know her on a different level. I'm shocked!!! My best friend think this guy is the one who she will marry, she wants to move in with him and start a family. They Been Together for two years. I asked her was she sure? She said yes, she said before we had our first girls night, she met up with him and he was saying he's single and he's lookong for something serious. I was like WOW!!!! She said after she found out that he was my best friend boyfriend she told him to leave her alone. He didn't, he kept calling and texting her. So she said him wasn't he in a relationship with Lisa (my best friend ) he denied it. She said she didn't want to tell me because I would tell my best friend, I want too but than I don't want too. If I tell I may ruin their relationship and my old high school friend may be upset with me. But if I don't tell and my best friend finds out, I'm sure she'll be mad. I don't know if I should tell my best friend this secret. My old high school friend has a boyfriend now and she doesn't want the drama in her new relationship. She does have proof! Text messages and him in her inbox from social media. What should I do aunts? My sister said keep my mouth shut because my best friend won't leave and it's pointless so I should mind my business. But my other sister said I should tell because if it was me I would want to know if my boyfriend was meeting up with other woman. A little help please!
View related questions:
at work, best friend, has a boyfriend, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 June 2016):
 Well, at least you showed your friend that you stand by her. If she rather date a cheater than be single.. that is her choice.
And if he IS still cheating eventually he will be found out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey! I'm the one who wrote the question.
A little update
My best friend decided to stay with the guy, she still feels like he's the one, but she does however don't brag about him or talk about him to anyone. She doesn't mention him period!! He denied it of course and said I was a liar which I'm not ( loser ) but she wasn't upset with me. In fact she was upset with my other friend, saying that she should have been said something or didn't say anything at all.
Maybe he won't cheat again but truth be told it I think he is, she doesn't like to be single when she's single she's depressed. But I honestly think he's still cheating :( but I will not mention him or the situation and next time if I catch him, I don't think I'll say anything
...............................
A
female
reader, ArtisticBiscuit  +, writes (28 May 2016):
 Tell your best what you think is going on. You don't have to get involved with drama. Simply state you don't want anyone getting hurt.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 May 2016):
I would ask your best friend if you could ask her a hypothetical question.
If she says yes.
Then explain the situation from THE other girls view.
Say:" What would you do if some guy is hitting on you in social media and you find out that not only does he have a GF, but that girl is a friend of an old friend"? Would you tell the girl he is dating that her BF is trying to not only emotionally cheat, but physically too.?
The gauge her answer. If she says I'd rather stay out of the drama, then say:" OK, but what if you were the GF who was being cheated on, would you want to know?"
Again gauge her answer.
My guess by them she will have figured out that this is NOT really a hypothetical question. And if she would want to know, tell her. And then ask the other friend to forward the screen caps/text messages.
I AM a fan of telling someone you care about, if you KNOW 100% that their partner is cheating. I would want to know. And I certainly wouldn't want my BFF to be with someone they *think* is a perfectly good guy but who really is a cheating douchebag.
Not tell her will not prevent heartache for her.
But telling her, can cost a friendship. Been there done that. :( I had a really good friend who BF was seemingly a great guy but also a really DUMB dude who picked up random girls at the nightclub I worked and then had sex with them in the bathroom. And yes, I saw him chat them up, go to the bathroom and I saw them come out all disheveled. I saw it MANY time. I even told him, IF you do that shit in FRONT of me, do you expect I won't tell her? Unfortunately she believed him over me, because THAT IS what she wanted to believe. It wasn't til a year later when she NOT only caught an std, but she also caught him with another woman in THEIR bed.
So be prepared.
That is why I'd go with the hypothetical question first. So you can gauge her standard on that issue. Maybe, she already has an idea that he is "iffy" around the edges but she has no proof or she doesn't WANT to believe it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2016): Id tell me friend even if they hated me at first and of course there is the chance she will stick by the boyf and you become the badguy. But I think its the right thing to do. I would tell the boyf first 'you tell her or I will '. If he still isn't honest with her then your friend should know from you so she can make her own choice about staying with an unfaithful man or not. It's unfair that has gone on and she knows nothing it takes the choice away from her
...............................
A
female
reader, miss frank +, writes (28 May 2016):
I would tell my friend. This is your best friend. It is your business. If he is doing it with her and pretending he's single he is looking elsewhere too... And maybe carrying on already else where. If you have seen the proof with your own eyes, tell your bestie what you know...personally I wouldn't give him the opportunity to know first what you know, he'll only tell some lies our plead with her that he's made some dreadful mistake before you get chance to tell her, and she'll think he's sorry because he's confessed....i would tell me bestie
...............................
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (28 May 2016):
 Tell him what you know and ask him what he would do if he was in your shoes?
...............................
|
