A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So i've really liked this girl for four years from college. I am certain she did had some feelings for me. However, She has a boyfriend, and ive just left college and dont think i will ever see her or speak to her again. I am not looking for relationship or anything like that. But i feel like i really want to get this off my chest and confess that i had feelings for her through a message. So do you guys think this is a good or a bad idea? Any advantages or disadvantages?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2016): I would not say anything unless you are prepared to feel worse afterwards.She is probably going to tell you how flattered she is and how she really likes you but she has a boyfriend and she is happy with him.I had a good friend through college. He helped me through a lot of stuff like assignments and we hung out and went to pubs and parties together. One day, he came out and told me how he felt. Hoping I would feel the same way. But I didn't. I hated having to let him down. I did not love him or see him as boyfriend material - not for ME, anyway - but I did love him as a friend. And to this day, we still talk on the phone and keep in touch. He is now married. I have a boyfriend. But we remain friends. :)It is your choice on what to do. But just be prepared for a let down. Which is what likely will happen. Sometimes we romanticize things in our head. And think the other person has feelings but they really don't. At least not the kind we would like them to have. It's our projection of wishful thinking onto their words or actions.Either way, she has a boyfriend. She is in a relationship. Why would you try to mess with that? I think that anyone confessing feelings to another person in a relationship is in the wrong. No matter what. It's pretty black and white.I think you need to refocus yourself and spend time on other things in your life. It seems to me you are obsessing about this girl and it is not very healthy to be doing this to yourself. Remember, we are responsible for our own thoughts and actions. So, just like you are obsessing, you can choose to un-obsess yourself. And once you do this, you will be free to actually be available for a partner who is also available.:)
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (31 May 2016):
 What exactly do you want to happen by telling her?
What's the point? While you think she had some feelings for you, she NEVER acted on them. And... she had a BF.
She liked you at some point, did nothing about it and then she started to date a guy. YOU had/has feelings for her, did nothing about so really.... What do you see happening if you tell her?
I would say no, don't tell her. You even state that you will never see her again... so why do it?
Save your love and loving feelings for someone who can give you some of that back. Not someone who have obviously moved on.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (31 May 2016):
 It doesn't sound like she had feelings for you or she'd have at least tried to keep in contact. Personally, I think you're better off just moving on and not telling her, but I suppose you could do it, if it brings you closure. However, telling her seems a bit pointless because she's already in a relationship and you don't even want one - that, and it could be very embarrassing for you once she knows.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2016): It's hard to say. Will you be in casual contact with her afterwards? If yes, that could be awkward.
Why in a message? It's impersonal. Or maybe I'm just too old school.
Having said that, I would do it. In fact I have already done it wen I was about your age. It helped clear the air.
Funny thing, about 10 years later I got a wonderful love letter from that guy... And I was delighted to know how he felt... so maybe she'll cherish what you have to say :)
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