A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:After a long dry spell, I decided that I should start looking for my 'special someone'. I met two great guys and decided to date them both for a while to see which one was a better match. In the beginning it was very casual - I would see each man maybe once a week or so and with each date there would be no serious talk. However I eventually did make the mistake of sleeping with both men. I never told the two men about each other - but I did tell them that our relationship was casual.After about 2 months, I broke it off with the first man, to exclusively date the second man. The first man took it well, but was saddened. The second man and I have now been dating for 18 months - and it has been wonderfull. Every now and then though, I feel guilty about the way our relationship started. I would never cheat on him in a million years - and I want to marry him. Should I tell him that I was dating/sleeping with someone else in the earliest stage of our relationship? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2008): I agree with Yos. If you can sit on it, then that may be the best plan. Don't lie about it but don't bring it up. If he asks, try to keep it as a "let's not discuss it either way" kind of thing. If this is going to come out eventually, then DON'T KEEP WAITING ANY LONGER. It will absolutely NOT hurt him less if he finds this out years from now. That will probably hurt him at least as much, maybe even more.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (29 August 2008):
 Perhaps think about what you are going to do: by telling him you are unloading your guilt about what happened. But you are loading it onto him, he is not going to like what he hears. You are kind of turning your problem into his problem. Is that really fair?
As for whether to tell him or not. It depends. If you can go through potentially the rest of your life with him without telling him, and without it having too much of a negative effect, then don't. There is nothing to be gained, and it could cause real consequences. He might get very upset.
But, if you know that at some time you'll just have to tell him, then i recommend doing so as soon as possible. The longer you leave it the more he'll feel you were trying to hide it from him, and possibly be upset that you held this information from him for so long. So the sooner the better.
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