A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi well a year ago my partner of 22 years came clean about sleeping with prostitutes he has slept with 3 in 2 years the only reason i know about these is he fell in love with the last one and came clean to me but didnt tell me about the other ones she told me he had told her he has slept with prostitutes when i confronted him he confessed that this was true ok so im dealing with that and its very hard but im not sure what to do when i look for advice about will he go again i cant find any advice on prositutes people just seems to have affairs with ie work collegues, people they know so how will i know if he will go back to prostitutes he seems sorry for what he has done to us and the forgiving from me is so hard to do like i said a year ago this happened and its as fresh as if it happened yesterday will we get over it i dont know he is 38 and the prostitutes are in there 20's any advice would be very much appreciated
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affair, fell in love, prostitute Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2008): Gut reaction is..... would you honestly hand on heart ever trust this guy again? I think he has issues that are not your responsibility or problem to sort out. Just look out for your own sexual health in all of this. He has simply ruined your relationship and with all respect to you as you seem a very caring woman - I think you love him just a little bit too much to see sense.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for replying i certaintly wont be turning a blind eye im just so confused at the moment i want to make this work but every day just seems to get harder not easier not sure why? he tells me he would never go again but i do belive if you could sleep with them once you can over and over maybe i should just call it a day in case he gets bored in a month or so and goes back to sleeping with them
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A
female
reader, babybaby  +, writes (29 August 2008):
Only actions are louder then words, if he is putting out the action that it isn't going to happen again only then would I trust him. He also needs counseling he needs to show you this behavior will end, until then I wouldnt put up with it you deserve the best mate you can find who isnt going to hurt you and cheat around on you.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (29 August 2008):
 I've thought about this for a few minutes staring into my first whisky of the evening because I would love to write a reassuring reply for you however I truly believe that once a man has become a regular punter (and I think that at least 3 girls multiple times over 2 years qualifies) it is experience and knowledge that cannot be unlearned. It is perhaps like when a dog bites a person for the first time, an important barrier has been crossed, a taboo has been broken and there is no unlearning that. It is always much much easier to cross that barrier another time in the future.Prostitution is a massive global business - I've seen estimates that as much as £1 billion a year changes hands between punters and working girls in London alone. A LOT of men have sex with working girls, far more than you would imagine. I travel a lot on business and although you wouldn't necessarily spot them we could sit together in the lobby of a 5 star hotel anywhere in the world in the late evening and count the working girls coming and going. Personally I would be very surprised if less than 20% of men above 40 had not had an experience with a working girl at some time in their life. The likelihood of them doing so increases significantly with a) the availability of cash and b) the number of nights they spend away from home. Even based on the limited information that you have given us, I would bet a large sum that however contrite he may be now your husband will have sex with working girls again, sometime, when the opportunity arises.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2008): My friend is 47 , happily married and a regular prostitute user. He has used them since he got married and that has been 23 years. He keeps it secret from his wife. I have asked him several times what this is all about and he says its becvuse it is exciting, having sex in strange places with strange women, not knowing what they are going to look like etc. He says the urge just builds up inside him and he can't think of anything else. He is literally running out of work to get there. I have discussed with him what his wife would think but he has no answer for this and that she just does not provide the adrenaline rush going to a prosititute gives him. I think he has been brave to tell you about this as it must be hard for him. I wouldn't like it at all but I do know that it is quite a common occurrence, really much more than you imagine. A lot of women seem to know that their husbands do this and just turn a blind eye. Another male friend of mine who is a very successful city banker with a young american wife also uses them all the time. His wife is white and he wants sex with a black woman. i don't know what it is all about. I too would find this very very hard to get over and would be suspicious about what he was up to when he was out all the time. I don't think a year ago or 5 years ago makes any difference. I think you have done remarkably well to forgive him and I do think he will probably go back to them at some stage. My friend stopped for 5 years knowing it was wrong then went back. He said the desire was just so strong he couldn't control himself. It may be a case that it is best just to put it out of your mind. He says he is sorry, trust him and don't make him account for every second he is away from you. If you love him maybe you will have to turn a blind eye at some stage in the future but I hope not. I am only relating what my two friends are like, that doesn't mean all men will behave this way - thank god!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2008): A relationship between a sex-type worker (stripper, prostitute) and a client is very unlikely to work out in the long term. The relationship is founded on escapism from real life and real problems - the creation of a fantasy world. What happens when the new couple gets together - does the sex-type work continue? I am certain your husband will not sustain a long term relationship with this girl.
In the meantime - you need to take care of yourself and your health to make sure he hasn't exposed you to any diseases. You also need to think seriously about continuing this relationship with such a deep violation of trust. He needs counselling to figure out why he needs to pursue prostitutes.
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