A
female
age
41-50,
*IMBERLIE
writes:Please help me, I need some piece of mind. Let me explain... in February, I lost a baby, which devastated me and my ex, and although I have two children from a previous relationship, this baby was my ex’s first, so I cannot comprehend the guilt I felt when I lost it. We had been together a year at this point, but two weeks after losing the baby {and after my ex texting me mid miscarriage and saying he will always love me no matter what happens} my ex announces he no longer loves me, and blames it on some drunken argument we had back in November {which resulted in me grabbing his throat}. My response was to end the relationship as I was so hurt, but then the very next day my nan was rushed into hospital, seriously ill {she pulled through thank god} and I didn’t have the chance to deal with it. We then carried on seeing each other like nothing had happened, but at the same time him making it clear we were not a couple. I then threw a party in April, ended up very paralytic and sat on my ex’s friend’s lap, which he saw and went ballistic. When I woke up the next day, I couldn’t believe I done it, and from then on beat myself up for it, he put me through hell over it, but I gave up drinking and saw a counsellor because I loved him so much and wanted him to see how sorry I was. For five months I sat patiently waiting for him to want to be with me again, still acting like a couple, him coming over all the time and staying at the weekends, having sex {protected though}but still throwing it in my face that I had no right to complain about anything because we are just friends, and him saying that we would never be together again etc, and in the end I became more and more withdrawn from him, because I was scared of getting hurt, and became very close to a mutual friend. My ex was constantly calling me a whore, stupid c**t and so on, which made me feel very hateful towards him, yet this guy was coming around and making me laugh and feel good about myself again, and I'm ashamed to say I ended up drunkenly sleeping with him!! I know technically its not cheating but feel so guilty that I took an overdose two weeks ago, nearly died and have ended up on anti anxiety tabs, anti psychotics, sleeping pills and a visit from someone from the crisis team everyday!! My ex now claims he wants us to work things out, but this other guy is annoyed that I don’t want to take things further with him because of my ex, and I'm terrified that he will either tell one of my exes other friends, which will get back to my ex, or tell him himself, and I am in bits over whether to tell my ex before someone else does, or just keep my fingers crossed and pray this guy lets it go. We are still not together, but I think I want to work things out {my head is a complete shambles} but scared that if I do, this will leak out later on and destroy everything again. It has been a month since this has happened, so do you think he will keep schtum?? Please help me, I can’t bear the feeling of guilt anymore
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (31 August 2009):
 I think you need to seriously step back from the whole 'ex' situation and sort yourself out first. He sounds like a complete nightmare to be honest and it seems he is messing with your head so you don't know if your coming or going.
* Tells you he will always love you and then dumps you two weeks later.(mind games)
* Continues to have sex with you after claiming you are 'just friends' (basically getting his needs met and using you with no intention to commit)
* Calling you dreadful names (totally unacceptable)
*Telling you you have no right to complain and saying you will never get back together. (mind games)
Your own behaviour is also confusing you because your guilt is misplaced. Another guy has come along who likes you and you feel guilty for cheating on your ex because you hope that he will come back?? HE'S AN EX!!!! that means he has no involvement in your life and what you do.
With everything he has done to you, I am surprised you are not running away as fast as you can, cheering and thanking your lucky stars that you escaped!!!!
You need to get yourself well first, clear your mind. You have two other children and you need to be there for them, first are foremost. Chasing some loser bloke and behaving erratically whilst falling into drunken sex and trying to kill yourself...AND...feeling guilt over it is never going to allow you to move on with your life. If the other man likes you and you like him, then keep him as a friend. Tell your ex to get lost because it seems you will never have a normal loving relationship where he is concerned.
Your children need a well and happy mother and you need some peace and tranquility back in your life.
I hope you find some...
Aunty Em xxx
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