A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and we live together. He's always seemed adorably quirky and awkward to me, but recently a friend who works with aspergers a lot pointed out to me that he is a textbook example of someone with aspergers. I looked up a lot of the typical symptoms and he fits them all to a T. I'm sure he doesn't know about it, but should I tell him? Most of the time the things that qualify him for aspergers are actually very endearing, like that even though he might be brutally honest at times, it actually seems to pain him to try to lie, which he does very badly. Also his social awkwardness is cute most of the time, as well as his obsessive interest in certain subjects, which he talks about incessantly. Several other people who are very familiar with aspergers agree he's a textbook case. It doesn't change my feelings for him, he's still the same person, I'm just wondering if I should tell him? And how? I feel weird being so sure about something about him and not telling him since we talk about everything else.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): depends if it is causing you problems. I lived with an aspergers man for 6 years. The first 2 years wre great. Then the difficulties became more apparent as I was no longer a special interest for him. I could not get him to face his AS and he was also drinking heavily with the anxiety. His son was diagnosed in 2005. We split up in 2007. It is a tragedy to this day as I absolutely adored him. He was the funny, socially, very chatty AS too. They are not all socially hopeless and prosodic (speaking in a monotone). He was very clever, though emotionally he struggled to understand things, very often. His worst fault that he would keep making plans and not consulting me. IT drove me mad. Especially when it came to his ex partner, as you can imagine. Anyway good luck. AS men are adorable.
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (13 January 2010):
 What do you wish to gain by telling him?? If he is ok then leave things as they are - by telling him you run the risk of making his shortfalls obvious.....
Love him for who he is as he is!
Honeygirl
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010): If you think there is something functional that he needs help with, yes, perhaps.
If there is nothing that needs intervention, why label him?
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (13 January 2010):
 Wow. If the symptoms are so obvious, why hasn't a doctor diagnosed him? If you are that sure, tell him. But beware of the consequences. If you are wrong and I would guess that you probably are, how will he feel knowing that all the quirks that make him who he is, were just symptoms to you?
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
female
reader, ScarletLedbetter +, writes (13 January 2010):
 Why wouldn't you tell him? What treatment would you like in a reverse scenario? He may benefit from treatments/medications if he has co-morbid conditions, which he likely does, or therapy if it is solely the one disorder he has. If nothing else, you will feel much better to get it off your chest and should expect nothing less from him in communication to you as your open, loving partner.
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