A
female
age
36-40,
*eed advice plz
writes:my boyfriend and i have been toguether almost a yr we decided we would start seing echother the day we met he lives hours away from me so we only visit a few days a month. i lost my job a week after we met and i had sex with 2 men,and gave head to a couple for money during the first three months of our relationship i was broke,had no money to visit him and dint want to appear to be poor, when he was well off,and is the perfect boyfriend ever.I am now expecting my bf's baby.Since ive met him i have changed my ways so much for the better he inspires me and has helped me have more faith in god.I feal very very guilty about what i have done and he clearly said that if i ever cheated on him he would leave me i want to b honest and try my best to make up for my wrong but i realy cant deal with losing him im only 20 and dont want to b a single mother.I have learnt my leson and havent done it since.should i try n forgive myself and not mention it, or should i tell him and more than likely lose him?
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female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (15 February 2007):
 hi
this is a bit difficult a question to answer. i think what you need to do right now you have to learn to forgive yourself first, before seeking his forgiveness that way you will be able to know what to do in the long run. sometimes we make choices that seem best at the time unfortunately what the future holds is always unknown what i am trying to say is this take one day at a time, you are pregnant and you dont need the stress that this relevelation might unravel. i know you think you will feel better after you have told him but the reality is things might get worse, either way its a risk you have to be willing to take, because keeping it from him means no matter what happens you must never let your tounge slip, which means you really cant tell how long you will be able to keep this from him, and if you decide to tell him you might loose him or even if you dont things will never be the same because we all know with the stigma that comes with what you did. thats why it is better for you to build up your strength and courage now so that if things dont go your way, you will still be able to be the best mother to your child, with or without him in your lives.
so relax for now and concentrate on that baby that is growing inside you.
A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (15 February 2007):
 This is a tricky one and I suspect you will get a even split either way. I definatly think you need to forgive yourself and maybe telling him will be part of that process. You made a mistake, but it is an understandable one sadly, one of those ones that in an ideal world would be forgivable and shows how flawed we can be.
Sometimes what appears most right can be wrong. If you dont tell him you are going to have to live with what you have done and keeping it from him. If you do tell him then you are going to cause alot of heartache and you are setting both of you up for a world of agony. People may think the selfless thing to do is to tell him the absolute truth but that may well not be the case.
People will say that if he loves you he will forgive you and that should be true, in an ideal world. Back in the real world it may not be true. You have to weigh the pain this revlation will cause against the importance of the truth. I'm not a bealiver but you obviously are, maybe you should seek some spirtiual counsel. I really think its impossible to say for sure what you should do from this position, you really need to think very carefully, weigh all the options, take as much counsel as you need and then follow the path that feels right. Hope that helps.
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